Courage

I'm scared.

I (and a couple of other people) were transfered to the North Cape May Acme about two weeks ago. I hate it. My co-workers are still very nice people and have been good about my taking the bus, but I hate having to arrive early (or late) and leave early because of the damn bus. No, I can't afford a car, and I don't really want one, anyway.

I haven't seen my new head boss, but he's supposedly...well, not very nice. I had 20 hours this week and probably fewer this week. That's nothing. That won't pay my rent or my bills, but this guy doesn't sound like he'll be very understanding. Rumor has it he'll be cutting back hours even further.

I know. "You should be happy you have a job at all, and union, too!" Right now, I'd give up unions and huge corporations for a nice, normal little receptionist job with the same 40 hours year-round, and only ten or twenty people to handle a day instead of fifty to five hundred in the summer. I want office parties and carpools and once-a-year-a-day picnics and people who don't look at me like I'm a freak or "that Acme girl." I don't want to be "that Acme girl" anymore. I get depressed just going to work. :p

What's it like to live in or near a city? I know that's the best place for opportunities, but cities cost a bundle to live in, and they're dirty, smelly, crime-ridden, and I don't want to be raped, mugged, or bombed to hell. Where's the best place for a painfully shy writer who isn't good at meeting people and is scared of everything to live?

Every time I even think of selling my own stuff, I panic. How can I get a literary agent? WHERE can I get a literary agent? Who's gonna buy my stuff, anyway? I have a few short stories, and I could write articles for small-press magazines and journals. I don't care about making millions. All I want is to make enough money to live and for people to read and enjoy my stories.

I keep panicing. I keep panicing at work, and whenever I go through all the books on writing. So many markets, so many options. Where should I start? Should I post things online? Should I send queries to local presses and newspapers?

Mom suggested taking business courses at a local college to get a leg up on secretarial jobs, but I don't really want to spend the money. Where can I find cheap, legitmate business courses?

And how do I drum up enough courage to do anything? I want to move away from Wildwood. I have to. There's no place here for me. Where do I go now, though?

Is there anyone out there who has answers...or knows where to find them? :(