Unified Balance

I rode out early into a gorgeous, sunny, windy October morning. It couldn't have been a more perfect day in early fall. It was still a little chilly, but not nearly as much as it has been the past few days. The clouds were fewer, and the sun was brighter.

Unity is the theme of the month at Yogawood, and to celebrate it, we concentrated on hip-opening and working with partners. Unity is something I still have to work on. I'm so used to being isolated and closed off in my own world. I'm not accustomed to having people around who actually like me for what I am and give me genuine support who aren't a part of my family. Most people always seemed to think I was crazy or weird, or would just use me.

On one hand, I want so badly to be a part of a group. I want to belong. But on the other hand, I enjoy my independence, too, and I'm afraid of having to give that up if I let other people in. I'm also frequently afraid to trust people I don't know. I've had people let me down before. People have taunted me, harassed me, and bullied me. I'm afraid of what people can do...but I want that support, too. I want to be loved for me.

After class ended, I dropped a bag of clothes donations at the thrift shop, then headed to the Collingswood Library for this week's session there. The DVDs were overflowing on the file cabinets where the discs themselves were kept, so I concentrated on doing those. They badly needed to be organized, too, both the adult and kids' sections for once.

I rode straight home after finishing at the library. Spent the rest of the afternoon having stew and a tomato for lunch and working on the budget. Seems I spent a little less last month than in August, but I didn't go on vacation last month, either.

The internet went down a couple of times for a few seconds, then for longer. By that time, it was too late to call Verizon. If it was still down when I got home, I'd call them then. I changed, packed my dinner, and hurried to work.

Work was on-and-off busy, though it never got quite as busy as it did earlier in the week. I was in and out with no problems.

And the internet hasn't gone down since I've been home. We'll see what happens there. I probably won't be able to afford to upgrade to FIOS until after the New Year.