Thursday, October 21, 2021

What Is Passion?

I woke up at call the Acme and tell them I wasn't coming in. After all the trouble yesterday afternoon with doing too much at once, I couldn't bring myself to. I was too tired and sore. They gave their condolences, and I lay back down and slept until 10:30.

It was past 11:30 when I finally finished reading and writing in my journal, and nearly noon when I made cornmeal pancakes for brunch. Watched Match Game '76 while I ate. Gene's extra-long microphone was temporarily replaced by a shorter one in the first episode, to his chagrin. He's delighted to get his regular one back from Richard in the second. Meanwhile, Scoey Mitchilll has an obvious crush on a pretty curly-haired contestant with an adorable round-cheeked smile. 

Made a few calls around 1 PM. The first was to the realtors. I didn't get the one selling the house and left a message. I did get the on in Collingswood. She had bad news. Apparently, even making 1,500 a month isn't enough to rent a decent apartment in this area. I can only afford one for $500, which isn't going to happen. I don't see how it isn't enough. It's the most money I've ever made! 

I had more luck calling Deptford about the bike. Basically, they said it sounded like normal wear and tear on a bike I use every day. I'll need to get Rose or Craig to bring it in for them to check out and replace.

Jodie came in while I was still upset about the realtors with more bad news. I'd have to clear out tomorrow at quarter of 9 so someone could look at the house. Great. I'd planned on sleeping in. She said she'd take me out to breakfast. She also suggested doing my laundry today, which I was going to ask if I could do anyway. I put it in about 20 minutes later. 

Well, if the money I made wasn't good enough, I figured it was high time I found a real job. My problem is, first of all, while I know I love to write, I don't know what else to do with it, besides writing blogs and fanfiction. I'm not sure how to write a proposal, and I'm terrible about selling myself. Every time I look at editing and writing and copywriting jobs at LinkedIn and Indeed, they always require more experience or skills than I have. I see those jobs that need years of experience and technical skills and I panic before I even apply. 

I finally gave up around 3 PM and settled down for a much-needed nap. There were a few kids coming out of school and enjoying a beautiful day, but it was largely quiet. Even Jodie wasn't around or went upstairs. Even so, I slept until quarter of 5 and was still tired afterwards.

Did a little bit of writing when I went online. Betty's tired of no one paying attention to her and demands a sentence. Brett heatedly points out that verdicts come first, and anyway, Dickie didn't do it. Her sons and his vehemently agree, and Orson the March Hare wants to know what happened to Charles the Mad Hatter.

Tried looking up jobs again after I got distracted from writing, but...I just couldn't find anything. Nothing was right. Everyone says "follow your passion." How do you follow your passion? I've always been made fun of over my obsessions and told to avoid them, to the point where I don't know what's passion and what's just something I'm into anymore. 

I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know what to do. I need a real job to get an apartment. I need passion to get a real job...but how can you find your passion when you're burnt out and scared and not a single thing in your life is going right? I'm terrified I'm going to lose my home and end up having to rely on other people's charity without even a real home of my own. Every time I think I'm doing the right thing, it's always and without fail the wrong thing. How can I make things go right? 

Didn't break until past 7:20. Saw a bit of Match Game PM while making burgers and steamed green beans for dinner. Sale of the Century was a neck-and-neck battle between the champ and the one guy. He bought a trip to Vegas and won the Instant Cash, but she killed at the Speed Round again. Still couldn't get that bonus round, though.

Finished the night online with Rockula. I go further into this campy 1990 horror comedy from B movie specialists The Cannon Group at my Musical Dreams Movie Reviews blog. 

No comments: