Balance On Ice

I ran a Pink Panther animated special as I had breakfast and prepared to go to yoga with my sister Rose. Olym-pinks has everyone's favorite rose-hued kitty heading for the 1980 Lake Placid Games. He has a close encounter with a champion skier on the train to New York...and just keeps running into him as the two compete in the downhill and ski jumping...and to see who can get the most applause!

Rose picked me up at 9. It was difficult getting downstairs. The slushy snow on my porch and steps hardened overnight, turning them into a coat of ice. When I told Rose, she insisted on getting her snow shovel from her house and shoveling them herself when class ended.

It wasn't easy to find a parking spot in Collingswood, either. The roads are largely clear, but the sides and a lot of the parking lot were icy. Rose says she's still trying to figure out Collingswood's new meter system, too. The sidewalk in front of Yogawood was also ice-covered; we went in through the back door.

Erik, Yogawood's kindly maintenance man and teacher, was in charge of today's class. (Evidently, the regular teacher was on a trip to Italy.) With Erik, you mainly work on balance (he can do amazing things with his legs) and on the basic moves...but you do them very fast! Erik is quite advanced, and his classes can be a challenge to keep up with.

When we got back to my place, Rose did shovel my porch and my steps. The porch proved to be far easier to clear. The steps were still covered with packed ice and slush from my going up and down them to work yesterday. She borrowed ice melt from Dad to clear them more.

As soon as she was gone, I finally headed out to counseling. It took me a lot longer than I'd planned. The middle of the main roads were clear, but the sides were still covered with ice and snow the plows had pushed away. Some sidewalks had been cleared, but others hadn't. I cut through Collingswood to avoid the majority of the mess on Cuthbert. Haddon Avenue in Westmont is even narrower and was more of a mess. It being cloudy for most of the day didn't help.

I did finally make it there around 12:30. I wanted to find somewhere I could have a quick lunch. Venturing around the corner from the candy store, I found a little pizzeria, Nicky B's. They were small, but cozy and warm. I bought two tasty slices of cheese and vegetable pizza and a small soda. (They have free refills!) There was an old man who wanted me to join him, but as nice as he sounded, I wanted to collect my thoughts for counseling.

I arrived at Mrs. Stahl's office right on time. I gave her the folder with Mom's Child Study Team papers and told her about my relatively quiet couple of weeks (except for the weather). I told her about my conversations with Mom, the gift card I won from work, and the big tax return I had coming.

I want out of the Acme so bad...but then what? I don't know what I want to do with myself. I'm used to being told what I should do, by other people or the voices screaming in my head. I don't know what I want. I want to make friends, but I don't know how. I want a better job, but don't have the social skills required to get to the next level. I'm not good with joining groups. The yoga classes are active and usually small; the library volunteering is solo work. Mrs. Stahl suggested starting an online book group with my three closest friends. I was scared just of the mere idea. My friends don't know each other. They live far away. I could never bring people together! I wouldn't know what to say.

After I got nervous when she brought up the book group, she said that it was probably outside my comfort zone, and that was ok. I don't think I've ever been told that. I never seemed to be enough. I was always into the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing, or too fat, or too different from the other kids. I was told I had to change, be an adult, act like an adult. Yes, I am an adult....but one who loves dolls and bikes and who doesn't deal with relationships as well as she should. It's hard for me to accept who I am, especially since I'm not sure who that is. It was a lot easier for me in high school and college, where I could join already-established groups that did more than talk and didn't require much more than I showed up, did my job, have fun, and leave.

I don't know how to get into the stuff my peer group is supposed to be into. I tried the bar scene in Wildwood, but it was really boring. I'd dance a little while, drink a mimosa or two, then spend the rest of the night watching Fraiser re-runs at the bar. I'd come home smelling like smoke and having had no meaningful conversations or met anyone that remotely interested me. How can you make friends when you can't hear them talk?

I want to make more friends closer to home, but it's really scary for me. As Mrs. Stahl put it, it's outside my comfort zone. I know I'm an introvert, but I've always been embarrassed by that. I never seemed to meet a lot of introverts as a kid. Most of the kids never had any problems making friends. I felt better about it in high school and college, but I don't know how to meet introverted adults.

I've been listening to the Frozen soundtrack a lot since I bought it last month. Elsa's song "Let It Go" really hits me hard. I quoted some of the lines from the song to her "Let it go/the cold doesn't bother me anyway." That must have given Mrs. Stahl an idea. She said my assignment was to find songs in my vast music collection that, like "Let It Go," I found to be positive or uplifting. Now, that, I can do. I'll probably work on it this week.

I'd always wanted to check out the little shops on Haddon Avenue between King's Highway and the entrance to Westmont. I was usually in too much of a hurry, but today, I had no other plans. I first crossed over to a lovely little yarn shop, Woolplay. I found "grab bags" in a bin upstairs. I bought a bag of tiny, colorful balls of yarn that would be great accessories for the dolls, and another bag of heavier yarn I could use for dishrags.

I went back across the street and a couple of blocks down to a row of stores. There were two thrift shops in this row, both concentrating on clothes. One had nicer clothes; the other was a larger store with a better selection. The old woman who ran the smaller store must have been really bored. She was a little pushy, trying to pull out this dress or that jacket. To her credit, she did finally find a nice brick red Eddie Bauer sweater I bought for $10, half off. I didn't have as much luck at the other store. Despite them also having a half-off sale, I made no finds.

I rode a couple more blocks down Haddon Avenue to a hoagie shop and a bakery. Since I already had lunch, I decided to get myself a sweet treat. There were blocks of their cookie bars on the long metal counter to try. I finally decided on the Apricot Bars, wanting something a little lighter after two Super Bowl parties in a row.

As the girl behind the counter put my bar in a container, I noticed two familiar faces modeling chefs costumes on a shelf to the right as you walk in. Two American Girl dolls (I think they were Kit and Caroline) were acting as adorable store mascots. I mentioned how cute her girls were, and told her about my collection as I savored my cookie bar. (It was a little too sweet, but otherwise not bad.)

My last stop of the day was the Rite Aid right before the bridge into Westmont. I needed more of that inexpensive milk. As I was leaving, I saw a display with Chicken Soup books. One of them was subtitled "Find Your Happiness." I feel like I've been trying to do that since college, with only occasional success. I bought the book, along with my milk.

It was a little easier to ride home. By 4PM, the temperature had risen enough that a lot of the earlier ice and snow was melting, or was at least slushy again. Even so, it was past 4:30 when I finally got in. My porch was clear, but there was still quite a bit of ice on the steps. I tried breaking them with the broom again, but that didn't work a whole lot better than it did last time. I went to Richard's house and then Andrew's house to borrow ice melt, but neither man appeared to be home.

I jumped in the bath after I gave up on the steps. I hadn't had a bath in a while. I wanted to relax, listen to the Frozen soundtrack, and have a chance to look over the books I'd taken out of the library and the new Chicken Soup collection.

I was in there for a half-hour when the phone rang. I jumped out of the tub just in time to take a call from Rose. She wanted to know if my porch was melted. I told her that the porch itself was fine, but the steps were still icy. She brought over more ice melt from Dad a few minutes later and reminded me about the rain and sleet we were supposed to get later that night.

I hadn't intended to spend the rest of the evening reading that Chicken Soup book. I moved a couple of WebKinz from my plush chair in the music area as the Frozen soundtrack finished. I'd take a look at just a few stories, for an hour or so. Soon, an hour turned into two, and it was almost 8 before I finally got to heating up salmon cakes and slicing half a grapefruit for dinner. I'll see if I can finish it tomorrow.