Declaration of Independence

Started a fairly sunny morning with laundry. I made sure to get in by at least quarter of 10, so there wouldn't be any problems with finding a washer and dryer. I made it just in time. There were only two other young women who looked like college students and the lady who owns the laundromat when I arrived. After a half-hour, it was crowded with couples, families, and more older people.

After I got home, I put the laundry away. I'd washed the bed sheets today, so I put the sheets away, put fresh ones on, and made the bed. After I finished with the bed, I went for a walk.

I spent the walk trying to tackle the problem of how to handle this "James" who has been posting derogatory comments on this blog for the past at least four or five months, maybe more. Since the spring, at least. I haven't had problems with trolls in the past, and I'd like to avoid them in the future.

The truth is...I've always been afraid of turning into a child again. I'm afraid of someone coming and taking me away from the life I'm living and putting me with crazy people or just taking my independence. I'm afraid what happened when I was a kid - being treated like I'm a freak - will repeat itself.

It won't. I'm not a child, and I'm not a freak. I'm a damaged woman with a hurt child inside, but the woman and the child are still healing. Maybe I'll always be healing...but I know my own mind. I'm not crazy, and I'm not going to hurt someone. I'm tired of people breathing down my neck and telling me how to live my life. What makes them so perfect that they can insult me? Are they scared of someone who is different...of something that's out of their worldview?

Maybe the way I live isn't the way other people would live. Maybe I do get too upset over things. Maybe I do obsess more than I should. Maybe I didn't vote last week. That doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me an honest person. (Which is more than I can say about most politicians.)

I'm proud of my independence. I live alone. I make my own money. I volunteer. I ride my bike. I explore. I travel. I go to yoga class. So I don't have kids or a family. Neither do a lot of other people these days. Being single doesn't make you irresponsible. It just means you don't have to worry about someone leaving the toilet seat up when you aren't at home.

You know what? As the Leonard Berenstein song from the original On the Town goes, I'm lucky to be me. I'm my own person. I don't answer to anyone. I can go where I please, when I please. I can eat what I want or not eat it. I can watch Bowery Boys all day and talk with my best friend online all night. I can go wherever I want, and no one is looking over my shoulder or second-guessing my decisions.

Who am I? Someone who has a lot to learn. Someone who has learned a lot since the spring. What have I learned? That I'm not such a bad person. That I need my independence - it's part of my very being. That I like kids but aren't sure I want to raise them. That I do have friends and can meet people. That I feel better when I try to stay upbeat. That obsessions aren't such horrible things to have if you can make them work for you. That I need to join a group that really works at something and doesn't just sit there and talks about it, whether it's doll-collecting or yoga or dance. That I do need to work on some things...but I can do others just fine.

I switched the comments to "registered users only." If nasty comments continue, this blog will become private and by invitation only. I wanted to send this "James"'s name to Blogger and get them blocked, but it doesn't look like they can do that. As I said in my previous blog entries, I will not tolerate bullying anymore...on this blog or in my life.

I was on Blogger for so long trying to figure out how to change the comments, I was almost late for work. I did make it just in time.

Work was a pain early on. There were a few annoying customers. One woman threw a fit when she didn't get a game piece for the promotion that's going on at the Acme. If you spend 50 dollars, you can get a ticket, pull the tab off, and win prizes ranging from coupons to a home makeover. She didn't spend 50 dollars, but the last people had and she got mad when she couldn't get a ticket.

An hour later, I got stuck with one of those people who buys a cart full of food, and then oops, they have to take half of it back, because they somehow thought that 100 dollars worth of food came to 50. And one of the women was snapping curses at the other because she didn't even WANT half this food and oh, why were they buying all of this? I really didn't need to hear that. If they didn't want the food, they shouldn't have brought it to the register. Plus, the other woman kept going through her full cart to see what she should keep, which meant she put one item on the belt per five minutes, which meant they took forever to ring up. Why can't people be more considerate? Stores are public places.

In any event, the second half of my shift was far quieter and less eventful. I had no relief and shut down without a problem.

I needed a birthday card for my sister Anny and stocked up on the last two French Vanilla Mousse Mixes for the holidays, then headed home. Dark clouds had been gathering since my walk earlier in the afternoon. It had been mildly sprinkling on my way to work. The ground was wet by quarter after 7, but it wasn't raining at all. We must have gotten a short but heavy shower sometime after I got in.