Monday, March 21, 2022

Darkness In the Sunshine

Started off the morning with breakfast and Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. Teacher Harriet reminds O that "You are Special" when they hold a talent show, and he worries that he's can't do the things they do. O, however, does have one talent they definitely don't - he can fly. Dan Sr. tells his son that "Daniel Is Special" while they're on a walk outside together.

Finally called the Voorhees neuropsychologists after I ate. To my surprise, they had a cancelation and was able to get me in on April 4th. The testing will literally take all day, from 8:30 to 3:30, and even with my health insurance, it'll still cost a few hundred dollars. At this point, I don't care. I just want to figure out what's wrong with me.

I also heard from Rose...who is not happy I contacted Craig about the dolls. I contacted him because he's actually speaking to me. She'll put the bin outside after 1 PM, but she's still not talking to me or Mom. She doesn't want to see us again, at birthdays or holidays or anytime, or make any contact with us. I don't get it. Why do I have to live with Mom? It's not Mom's fault that her home doesn't allow roommates. Why is she afraid she'll have to take care of me? I'm an adult. I can take care of myself. And if she's having a hard time, wouldn't it help to talk to someone about it, instead of ignoring people who could listen? And what about her children? It'll just hurt them to cut them off from family. 

Finally walked over to Kendall Boulevard around quarter of 1. Stopped over at Hillcrest to see if any neighbors were around. Talked to Ron, my former next-door neighbor. He basically said to give Rose time. This was a rough time for everyone, and she needs time to recover. I'm not so sure. I'm worried about her depression. I know she doesn't want me to, but...I'm her older sister, and I love her, no matter what. Even if she doesn't love me anymore. 

It took me another ten minutes to drum up the courage to walk to her front door. Yes, the bin was there, and that little live tree I bought for Christmas and forgot at her house, too. I picked them up and hauled them a block down Kendall to the Oaklyn School. Figured it would be better if I didn't call Uber from her house. It took me nearly a half-hour to get a driver. The first one canceled, and the second one took longer to come. At least he was really nice and helpful when he did come. He even carried the bin to Cindy's porch.

Moved the shelves into the middle of the room and attempted to get the bottoms back on the folding shelf while watching Match Game '74 episodes. No less than head producer Mark Goodson himself gave Gene Rayburn a bag for the needlepoint he did on long cross-country flights in honor of the show being a huge hit. In the second episode, Fannie Flagg appeared in a Girl Scout uniform and claimed to be leaving to lead her troop after the show, and we got a very funny (and maybe slightly mean) question about who gave the dumbest answers on the show. The panel spent the third episode searching for Brett's lost earring and teasing Allen Ludden for giving "President Arthur" as an answer to "__ Arthur" in the Audience Match.

Switched to a classic episode of I Love Lucy on Hulu, "Lucy Does a TV Commercial," while I had lunch. Lucy begs Ricky to let her be the spokeswoman on the commercial for his new TV show. He says no...but as usual, Lucy jumps into it anyway. She shows up at the studio and ends up advertising a health tonic that's so full of alcohol, she's drunk by the time Ricky's singing for a national audience.

Went online for an hour to look up a few things, then tried to head out to Emily's. I wanted to get the flattened cardboard boxes out of the way, but there were so many, and they were so big, it took me three tries to get them all into the recycling bin and out to the curb. Rushed out the second I finished. At least it was a nice day for a quick walk. The wind died down to a gentle breeze by 5:30, and it was sunny and in the mid-60's. 

Thanks to help from Ron's son Ryan and another little boy who was throwing baseballs with him, I found Emily's house around quarter of 6. She was in her lovely little kitchen, putting the finishing touch on roasted chicken and vegetables and salad. We talked about all my problems with Rose and about my making that appointment this morning. She's glad I made the appointment and echoes Mom's sentiment that it'll allow me to get more help and support than my family can provide. 

Truth be told, I still don't know what to do next. I don't want to stay in South Jersey, especially since most of my family plans on leaving the area, but then...where? Where should I go? There's no one I can move in with, and I really want a place of my own anyway. I want to take classes and learn to be an archivist or librarian, but that'll take a while. I need a better job, and not in retail. I've had enough of retail. Trouble is, every job I look at either requires more skills or experience than I have. 

At least dinner was delicious, with nice, tender chicken and flavorful vegetables. We chatted all through the meal. She and her son just moved here in August 2020, a few weeks after Dad's death. She's a teacher at an elementary school in Lindenwald who likes how tight-knit Oaklyn is and is glad to have a quiet place to raise her son. 

Mathieson joined us later. In fact, he was the little boy I saw earlier with Ryan. They're on the same little league team and were practicing their pitches together. He didn't really want to eat anything but the vegetables and the sweet and creamy pumpkin pie we had for dessert, but Emily convinced him to at least get some protein in.

They even walked me home. Well, walked and rode, as Mathieson rode his scooter. We listened to him talk about his classes and friends, while we discussed the local libraries and how they ran all of the Marvel movies when the pandemic hit two years ago. (I need to catch up on my superhero flicks. There's two Marvel and I think two or three DC movies I haven't gotten to yet.)

Finally moved the shelves into the back room or bed room, then went online to finish the night with Return to Oz on Disney Plus. Dorothy Gale (Faruza Balk) has had nightmares, ever since she went to Oz. Her aunt takes her to a mental hospital for treatment, but Dorothy doesn't like the sound of this electroshock therapy at all. She eventually flees with another little girl and dreams herself back into Oz. This Oz is very different from the one she knew, though. The Nome King (Nicol Williamson) stole all the emeralds from the Emerald City and turned everyone to stone. Dorothy and her pet chicken Billina travel from the city to the Nome King's domain to find the emeralds and free the citizens of the land from his tyranny.

Given how dark this is, you'd think I would avoid it. It's actually one of my favorite movies. I can handle a touch of macabre if it's not too gruesome. Too many people unfavorably compare this to the 1939 version, but I see Return as its own thing. If you want to see an Oz that's a bit closer to the books, or love other dark fantasy films of the 80's, you'll want to take the journey over that ruined Yellow Brick Road with Dorothy and her friends, too. 

1 comment:

Linda said...

First, THERE IS NOTHING "WRONG" WITH YOU. Just because your brain works a little differently from other people's does not mean there is something "wrong." John Mellencamp is so severely dyslexic he has to have things read to him, but yet he's a good musician. There are successful people everywhere that have neurological problems. You are just wired differently. You earn your own living, you keep your own home, you pay bills, you make friends, you write well...nothing WRONG. Yeah, you don't make enough money. There are a hundred thousand people out there with the same problem, so why is Rose beating up on YOU?

I don't know what your sister's problem is, but she's being a witch. Where does she get off ordering your mom to take you in?

BTW, I don't know what neurological gobbledegook they hand out these days, but the only thing I see that holds you back is that you are SHY. That's what we called it back in the "good old days." You are shy. It's not a "wrong" and it's not a disease.