What's Wrong With Me?

I overslept this morning and didn't get going until nearly 10:30. Ran a Bowery Boys movie while I finally got around to cleaning the bathroom. The Boys are Loose In London when Sach finds out he may be one of the heirs to a dying earl's fortune. The rest of his relatives aren't as happy to see the guys. When they're attempts at making the Boys look foolish in front of the earl fail, they make an attempt at the earl's life instead after he declares Sach his heir.

Had a very quick lunch while watching an episode of Get Smart. "The King Lives?" from the third season takes us to Europe, where Maxwell Smart discovers that he's the spitting image of the king of a small country. When the king is wounded, Max has to take his place...then rescues 99 from the king's dastardly brother. (And considering how clumsy he is at everything else, Max is one heck of a fencer!)

Dashed out to do the laundry around 12:30 - 1PM. This is something else I've put off that badly needed to be done. I had a huge load, including towels. I picked the right time. They were mostly dead the entire time I was there. I listened to talk shows and worked on story notes.

There was a message waiting for me when I got home. Willa was back. The rent was overdue...again. I gave her what was in my account now, plus most of my paycheck when it direct deposits on Friday.

I still had to get to the Haddon Township Library. It was nearly 3 by the time I headed out. Still not much going on there. I mostly shelved DVDs. I did take out a couple of movies - Batman Vs Superman, Winter's Tale, The Hunt For Red October, and for Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Selma. A librarian helped me use the copy machine, so I could make copies of my rent and other papers for Rose.

I didn't expect Rose to be home when I dropped off her papers. I saw Craig chatting with a neighbor when I arrived. Rose and Khai were inside with the dogs, eating Chinese food and watching Ice Age: Collision Course. We talked while she ate and got Khai to at least consider rice and sweet and sour chicken.

Ok, first of all, she's right and they can't raise my rent that high. $50, yes, but not $100. They really need to actually get back here and start working on what needs to be fixed, too. I don't want to fight them. I don't want to make trouble, and I genuinely have nowhere else to go.

I tried to tell Rose this, but I don't think I said it right. I'm scared. I'm really scared. I'm scared, and angry and disgusted with myself. What's wrong with me that I can't do anything right? People keep telling me I'm so smart. If I'm so smart, why do I keep getting into trouble? Why can't I manage my money right? Why can't I find a real job? What's wrong with me?

All I want is to be a real adult. I want to be a real, true, independent adult. I want to walk, talk, think, and act like every other adult. Every time I try, I make a mess out of everything. I think everything is going well, and it isn't. I ruin it all. I'm just not smart enough. I try so hard, and I just make things worse. What's wrong with me? Is it introversion, or something else? I don't know what I am.

I did leave the papers with her. She's going to give them to a friend who will be able to help her understand them better. We still have until April.

I didn't feel any better when I got home. I made a chicken salad with broccoli and watched The Prisoner of Zenda to cheer myself up while I ate. This is the 1937 version of the story "The King Lives?" was parodying. Ronald Colman is Rudolf Rassendyl, a British nobleman who discovers he's the exact double of the King of Ruritania (also Colman). When the king's evil brother Michael (Raymond Massey) drugs, then kidnaps the king, Rudolf has to take his place until he can be found. Meanwhile, he finds himself falling for the king's beautiful fiancee, Princess Flavia (Madeline Carroll). Michael's henchman Rupert of Hentzau (Douglas Fairbanks, Jr) is a cheeky fellow who seems to be willing to play both sides.

This is probably the most famous filming of the beloved swashbuckler novel. Colman's performance is still parodied to this day (including in Get Smart). There's some pretty decent action too, especially towards the end.

If you love duels and Ruritanian romance as much as I do, this is a classic tale of derring-do that's highly recommended.