Broadway Baby

God, this sounds awesome. I so wish I could go up to New York and see this. I have the Lincoln Center concert version on DVD (found at Wal-Mart, of all places) and the Ann Millier Paper Mill Playhouse revival on a great two-disc CD set.

The story is deceptively simple - a group of former showgirls and their stage-door hubbies meet for a reunion when their theater is on the verge of demolition, and all kinds of secrets come out of the closet - including the true loves of two not-so-happily married couples.

The music is truly sensational, though. I listen to the Paper Mill revival CD set a lot, and the Follies concert DVD is incomplete but interesting if you can find it. I really hope Encores! moves this to Broadway - hey, it worked for their version of "Chicago."

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/105738.html

I'm Gonna Try

I'm going to try to update this blog a lot more often, at least once every couple of days, if not every day. I've been writing in my offline journal every morning since October, and it's been such a help to me to just get my feelings out on paper. It helped me the other night to write my story on this blog.

Besides, I've had a couple of people ask why I don't update more. Laziness. It's a lot easier to pick up a pencil and the journal next to my nightstand than to try to slog through passwords. I really need to do more writing, though. Maybe if I write more, I'll finally get enough confidence to actually sell something.

Winter Wonderland

Yup, we finally got snow. Real snow. Not just some little dusting. It had just barely started when I woke up this morning...but unlike previous mornings, it never stopped, and still hasn't. Right now, as far as I can tell, we're getting a light snow-freezing rain mix that's supposed to change back to snow by tomorrow.

As long as we don't get 110 inches, like they did in upstate New York, I don't care how long it snows. I don't have any kids to worry about being out of school and I'm close enough to work to not have to worry about missing any unless the roads are truly impassable, so it's not too bad...and downright pretty, too. : 0 D

Pounding the Streets of Philadelphia

Finally, after two weeks of being stuck inside due to extreme weather, Mother Nature calmed down enough for me to run some errands, including a big one I've put off due to the cold - heading into Philadelphia to do some job hunting.

I thought my best bet for finding a job would be in a bookstore. I know about running cash registers, I know about books and how to sort them, I know how to organize CDs and DVDs. (I keep detailed inventories of my own DVD, video, music, and book collections.) The big chain bookstores seem to have killed off most of the shops in Suburban Philadelphia, so I headed for Center City.

I went to five stores in five hours. I wasn't really surprised to have no luck anywhere. I suspect that what the proprietor of Whodunnit (specializing in mysteries, naturally) holds true for everyone - the extremely cold weather and the time of year has pretty much killed off sales for everyone, regardless of size. One store owner spoke of closing. Everyone was really nice to me, though, and Whodunnit in particular was awesome, filled top to bottom with a great assortment of mysteries - heaven for a mystery-novel-addict!

I bought one of the Paige Turner mysteries, "How To Murder A Millionaire," from Whodunnit. I picked up a Valentine's Day present for myself from the big Barnes and Noble on Walnut Street - "Anyway Anyhow Anywhere: The Complete Chronicle of the Who, 1958-1978." It was either that or "Moon: The Life and Death of a Rock and Roll Legend," but the latter was more expensive. I probably shouldn't have bought "Anyhow," but it's a wealth of info on British band The Who, with some fantastic pictures.

Oh well. If we do get massive amounts of snow and ice, I'll have some new books to sustain me. :)

Even just being out and about again after two weeks of crazy cold weather was nice. I'm starting to get a better feel for Philadelphia, too. The streets aren't easy to navigate, but it's fun to walk around and just see the sights. (There's a lovely park across from the Barnes and Noble I'd like to take a better look at when the weather improves. :D)

Let It Snow?

I've been wary of the weather reports ever since we got a sudden snow storm last week. It only dumped a few short-lived inches, but it was just sudden. I woke up to the sound of a snow shovel at 6AM, not quite sure why...until I looked out my window near the bed and saw nothing but white.

I don't know what to think of the supposed upcoming storm. As with the dustings we had last week, it doesn't seem like they really know what's going on. At last check, it was snow tonight and tomorrow, turning into ice and freezing rain by tomorrow evening, then into rain, but who knows how long that will last?

I'm just glad I was off today. The Acme must have been insane. I don't know why people feel the need to suddenly stock up on milk, eggs, and bread whenever there's even the inkling of snow in the forecast. Ok, I can sort of understand bread; that'll keep if the electricity goes off. Eggs and especially milk, however, would be among the first things to go bad!

Here's what the National Weather Service says for Oaklyn (if they don't know, no one does; my stepfather, a commercial fisherman, gets his weather from them):

http://www.erh.noaa.gov/forecast/MapClick.php?CityName=Oaklyn&state=NJ&site=PHI

I wouldn't mind a little snow, as long as it doesn't turn into 12 feet, like some places in upstate New York got:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070212/ap_on_re_us/cold_weather

Be Careful, Words Can Hurt
By Emma

The little girl ran in the house, tears streaming down her face, sobbing as if her heart had been broken three times. She went right into the kitchen, where Mama was, stirring her home-made chicken soup.

"Mama!" she cried, rubbing her sore, red eyes. "Mama! They hate me!"

Mama looked down from her soup. "Calm down, honey. Now, who hates you?"

"The boys on the street do. I was ridin' down the street, like I always do, an' they leaned over their big bikes an' called me ugly an' stupid! They said I was a baby an' couldn't do nuthin'!"

Mama put her spoon aside and took her daughter in her warm arms. They smelled like noodles and herbs, and they were so, so warm.

"You listen to me, girl, and you listen good. Don't be listenin' to what those boys tell you. What do they know about you? You ain't ugly. Your daddy always stops when he comes home from work and tells you how pretty you are. You're not stupid, either. Didn't your teachers tell you how you got nothin' but "Above Average" and "Excellent" on your report card? What about all those ribbons you won for horse-back riding, or the time you got third place in your school's poetry contest? You're plenty smart, girl. They're just ignorant an' immature."

"Why did they say those things if they aren't true?"

"'Cause they thought it would be funny to get you mad. Ignorant and immature people get their kicks that way."

"I wish I could kick THEM! I wish I could call them names and make them feel bad!" She kicked the floor as if it really was the nasty boys.

"Honey, that wouldn't help. You'd be as bad as them. Just don't let it get to you. You're better than that. What about how you help me take care of your baby brother? You can change a diaper and make a bottle. I'll bet they'd all turn green and run if they ever had to change a dirty diaper!"

The girl laughed. "I'll bet they never changed anything worse than their socks!"

Mama put her arm around her daughter. "That's right, honey. Just remember, you're as good as you think you are." She smiled. "Now, what would you say to some home-made chicken soup and corn muffins?"

************

I was inspired to write this tonight after I was insulted riding home on my bike. I don't know what I did. I was just riding along, like normally, and a group of boys leaned out of a large car and screamed "Hey, you ugly whore!"

I cried the rest of the way home.

What led them to call me that? What was I doing that was so wrong they felt compelled to lean out of their car and into the frigid air of a New Jersey night and insult me? I was wearing bulky clothing; not a bit of skin showed. My bike is in good condition. And how could they tell if I was ugly or not? I was bundled up like Randy in A Christmas Story.

This isn't the first time I've been treated like that. I spent most of my childhood enduring variations on such taunts, and it still continues. This is the third time I've been insulted riding my bike since I moved to Oaklyn, and it happened even more often in Wildwood, especially in the summer. What makes a boy (and girls, more rarely) want to lean out of his car on a cold night and insult someone they don't know?

By the time I'd arrived at my apartment, I'd concieved this story.

I'm going to post this at my site and Writing.com as a reminder to all people of how words CAN hurt. Please, think twice before leaning out of your car and insulting somebody, or shouting nasty names to someone on your bike. It may be a mild thrill, but you'll be hurting someone else in the bargain. There are better ways of having fun than damaging someone's ego.

On Valentine's Day

It's been a long time. I really should update this blog more often, but it's not as easy to sign into a blog every night as it is to reach over to your nightstand and grab a journal and start writing. I forget; I put things off. I shouldn't do those things, but I do. I'm not used to people worrying about me.

But today's writing is on the prompt at the Writing Perc Yahoo!Group. One of those prompts was to write about Valentine's Day.

Do you celebrate it?

Yes, I do. I love holidays of any kind. It's nice just to do something special every once in a while. You'd think I wouldn't be interested. I don't have a boyfriend, and I'm really nervous about dating again after not having dated in three years. (Which is why I haven't done anything with my e-Harmony account.) I just love any excuse to do something different and enjoy myself.

What's so great about it?

For a single person? The chance to show friends and family that they can be loved, too...and half-off boxes of chocolate the size of Australia on February 15th. Baking cakes the shape of pink hearts for your sister. Your mother making you home-made valentines. Nobody teases you when you indulge your girly side, with lacy hearts and cutie-pie cupids everywhere.

What could/should be changed?

Many people I know, whether single or attached, are very cynical about this holiday. "It's an excuse to buy candy and cards!" Why does it have to be? Make your loved one dinner. Make them valentines instead of buying them, like my mom mentioned she's doing for her family. Bake a heart-shaped cake or cookies. Buy them their favorite book or CD and have a long discussion about why you love that band or singer or author.

You don't even have to be much of a romantic to be loved. If your significant other isn't the candy and flowers type, go on a walk in the woods or on the beach and hold hands. Buy or rent a movie you both like and share a big bowl of popcorn. Go for a car or motorcycle ride, just the two of you. If you're more athletic, go ice skating or sledding or hiking or skiing together. Just spending time with your sweetheart means more than all the chocolate and roses in the world.

My Personality

Saw this at En's blog and thought I'd try it. Yup, this is me, all right:


My Personality

Neuroticism	91
Extraversion	0
Openness To Experience	32
Agreeableness	62
Conscientiousness	21

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report MySpace Surveys, MySpace Layouts and hi5 by Pulseware Survey Software

Trapped

I feel terrible. I got into an arguement with Mom. I'm trying to find a job, but it's not going well. I know Mom's right. I know I should be more aggressive, but...I'm scared. I've never been good at aggressive, and I know that's what everyone wants. I've tried going to people and asking for jobs before, but I've been turned down. I've sent out resumes, but I really need to talk to these people. I was hoping to avoid the "talking" part until I got interviews. I'll just stammer and stutter and look stupid, like always.

First and foremost, I DO NOT WANT TO WORK AT THE CASINOS! I don't care how big they are or how "corporate" they are. I hate them. I don't like what they do. I'd love to be a production assistant, but not in Sleazoid City. I wouldn't want a rat to be a production assistant in Sleazoid City.

Do any of the local radio stations need a production assistant? What about theater groups? Or libraries? Or the Philly TV stations? There has to be a local library who needs a clerk, or a publisher who needs a proofreader.

Why does everyone want "experience?" I have experience! I was the secretary for Stockton's student television network for three years, and I did the school newspaper the whole 4 1/2 years I was at Stockton. I was a receptionist at Stockton's Media Center! And if I don't have the experience, I'm willing to learn!

It's not "brain chemicals," it's just feeling like a loser. I should have gotten somewhere years ago, but I haven't and it's really getting me down. I'm never going to get out of the Acme. I'm going to be trapped as a cashier in a job I loathe for the rest of my life. I don't want to be trapped as a cashier for the rest of my life, but every time I try to build confidence, I just lose it again.

Where There's Smoke...

There was a huge fire down the street from my apartment in Oaklyn this afternoon. I was at work when it started. When my friend (and fellow volunteer) Erica came to pick me up around quarter of 6 PM, there was a giant, thick plume of heavy black smoke coming from Oaklyn's direction. Erica ended up having to drop me off as close to my place as she could get, because West Clinton Avenue was almost entirely blocked off.

The electricity was off when I finally got home. I read for about a half-hour or so before finally deciding to go out to dinner and hope everything would be on when I came back. I changed into regular clothes and headed down the street to find an open, electrified restaraunt.

People were crowded around the many fire trucks on West Clinton. They sat in front of their houses, looking a little shell-shocked. It was like a cross between a barbecue and a natural disaster. Kids rode bikes, played catch, and pestered their parents with questions they couldn't (or wouldn't) answer. I couldn't tell what was burning on West Clinton at first, thanks to all the smoke and fire trucks, at first, until I made out the lines of ladder trucks leaning against the buildings next to the Vending Machine building that houses three local businesses.

Oh God, I thought, it's the Vending Machine building.

The Vending Machine building has to be at least 30s vintage, like a lot of West Clinton Avenue. It's also next to houses and across from Oaklyn High School. I was thankful it was Sunday. Any businesses in the building would be closed, and school is still out for the summer. I was more worried about the houses. This area is fairly densely populated, and a lot of people WOULD be at home on a Sunday in August.

I continued down Manor Avenue, looking for friends and making sure everything else was ok. Never found my friends, but the rest of the street was fine, if also lacking in electricity. I ended up having dinner at the Newton Diner on the White Horse Pike. I got more details from a college-student-age waitress there and a middle-aged couple from Oaklyn who, like me, were eating out because they couldn't cook. According to the waitress, the fire began around 4:30 and explosions were heard shortly after, which is when the fire went out of control. The couple added that they'd heard the explosions were caused by cars in the auto body shop in the Vending Machine building going up in flames.

After stuffing myself with a Monte Cristo (turkey, ham, melted swiss, and pineapple rings on French toast - my favorite open-face sandwich), I headed home. The smoke, which had still been spilling out onto the White Horse Pike around 7, wasn't nearly as bad an hour later. I stopped at the new WaWa across from Newton's and had a Cherry-Berries n' Cream Coke (Cherry Coke and Vanilla Coke with raspberry syrup - every convience store should have awesome make-your-own-soda-flavor syurps), and when I came out, the smoke was even less and there were lights on in many buildings, though most people still seemed to be gathered outside.

Yes, the electricity was on when I came home, and there was no damage done, though the block of West Clinton two blocks from me as of 8:30 was still taped off (I had to make my way around it; my eyes are still watering a little) and the smoke was still fairly thick but not nearly as black. I heard someone mention one of the reasons the firemen had a hard time controlling the blaze was the doors were locked so tight due to the businesses being closed on Sundays, they couldn't get in!

Here's more detailed (and likely accurate) information from the Courier-Post, as of 7:30PM...

http://www.courierpostonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060820/NEWS01/60820011

Haven't Got Time For the Pain

I just want everything to be right again.

I did go see Lauren. We had a wonderful time. We're so compatable. We tied twice the four times we played miniature golf. She won one time and I won the other. We'd walk around all the lovely little cities and towns in the Berkshire area, shopping and exploring, in the morning and early afternoon. By late afternoon, we'd be back at Lauren's parents' house, watching movies or her current obsessions, Knight Rider and Monk. We went to Six Flags Great Escape in upstate New York and did get on some rides. It was so hot, we rode the river rapids ride three times (twice in a row). Lauren hadn't been to an amusement park in years and it's been at least ten years since I've been to any amusement park but the Morey's Piers in Wildwood, so that was a special treat for us. We went to see a Single-A minor league baseball game with Lauren's parents, who were very sweet.

It hasn't been nearly as much fun since I got back. The knee and wrist still hurts. It didn't go away after a week or two. They aren't nearly as bad as they were when I first hurt them, but I still can't bend either all the way. I can't help it. I can't take any more time off of work. I'm sick of my lousy hours at the Acme and customers who can't keep their city attitudes in the city. I'm sick of feeling helpless and worthless and empty. I just can't drum up interest in anything. I start writing and I don't finish, and I need to sell SOMETHING.

(And don't say "go to the doctor." They're not broken and I don't think there's anything anyone can do at this late date but tell me to stay off my feet, which I can't do all the time, and take aspirin or something similar.)

I want my knee and wrist to just go away. I want to be able to ride my bike again. I'm scared to death that if I get back on while it's still sore, I'll damage it permanently and be helpless for the rest of my life. What will happen if I fall off again while it still feels like this? I want to be independant. I'm proud of my independance. Not many people who go through the things I've gone through are as independant as I am.

I want to meet someone who can tell me where to find a job...because it isn't the paper. I pick up the paper and I see some administrative assistant or secretarial jobs. That's about it for me. I don't drive. I'm not an engineer, a teacher, or a saleswoman. I don't have the patience or the aggressiveness or the technical know-how. I don't know anything about finance or medicine, and I'm not interested in finance or medicine. Doesn't anyone in the Camden County area need a proofreader, creative writer, editor, 20th century historian, or just someone to organize their files or even just their junk?

I'm scared and I'm at the end of my rope. I know Mom, Lauren, Uncle Ken, Erica, and Rose all say they support me. Why do I recieve this support but still feel alone? Why can't I enjoy going to work, instead of wishing I were anywhere else? Are you supposed to enjoy work, or do you just do something that pays the bills until you die?

I liked volunteering at the thrift shop where Erica works today. I'd love to volunteer at the local libraries, but the last time I asked, none of them needed volunteers. How could they NOT need volunteers? Don't places ALWAYS need volunteers?

Everyone else has SOMETHING. Rose has Kelsey. Mom has her crafts and health and family. Anny has Skylar. Skylar has his mommy and nana and pop pop. Bill and Bruce have their children and jobs and friends. Uncle Ken has his family and friends and his home and hobbies. Erica has the thrift shop and her friends. Lauren has her job and parents and the many TV shows and movies she's interested in.

What about me? I'm not interested in ANYTHING that strongly. I'm almost afraid to be. I spent half my childhood being jeered at because I was obsessed with some weird movie or TV show. Now I'm afraid to be obsessed with anything, lest I be made fun of for it. I guess I just haven't found anything yet. I don't know how to meet people. Where do people who don't feel strongly for things go? Where do people who are like me go when they're offline? Where are the people like me?

I just want everything to go away.