Making a Budget

My original goal today was to make a budget and figure out how to get on with my goal-setting from there. Trouble is, as usual, I got too caught up with reading other things and didn't get to the budget until almost 1. I did get it done, though. I spent a lot of money on "other" stuff last month...but I also bought contacts, had my eye exam, and won three rare American Girl outfits on eBay that don't often show up for decent prices.  I don't normally spend more than $150-200 a month on "other" stuff, and I'd like to pare that down. I need to stop buying junk like DVDs or books unless I can find them cheaply used, really want them (like the Instant Replay set), or really, really need something.

I've been putting off e-mailing my teacher, too. I'm never going to complete my course in time. I don't care about a good or bad grade. I really need help getting started with my writing business, but I don't know whom to ask...or how to ask them. I'm not good with stuff like this. Not to mention, I spent $100 on this course, and while I did learn some things about marketing, that won't do me any good unless I have something to market. I can't make a website until I have something to sell on it...and I don't really know anything about editing beyond editing mine and Lauren's fanfiction. I have no idea whom to ask, either. I've seen two writing groups listed for this area. One is full and not accepting new members. The other only meets at 7PM every first Thursday of the month. Not only do I usually work then, but that's kind of late to be out on the bike, and I don't really know anyone to carpool with.

This happens to me a lot. I stare at a story, hoping to start it, but it just stays blank. I can't come up with the ideas. I hope to e-mail someone, but then I get nervous and talk myself out of it. Or I can't make myself sit down to write at all. I write in this blog every night and in my journal every day, but I can't bring myself to write a story or a website or edit our Bowery Boys fanfiction or do any of the things I need to do. I don't know what's wrong with me. Writers are supposed to write, not stare or put things off. There has to be something wrong.

This blog and the journal are easier to write. The journal is for working out my thoughts every morning. This blog is mainly to keep all of the people who worry about me abreast of the goings-on in my life. ;)

I had leftover chilli for lunch and ate it outside. It was even nicer than yesterday, breezy and warm but not quite as much as the day before. Perfect day for an outdoor meal.

Work was almost exactly the same as Monday - busy during rush hour, quiet otherwise. Once again, I spent an hour later in the evening returning carts, if only as an excuse to get outside and enjoy some fresh air and a better work out that I'd even get in a gym.

Rock and Roll Music

It was almost 10 when I opened my eyes this morning, and past 10:30 when I finally rolled out of bed. I made Cocoa Chocolate Chip Pancakes and listened to Brunch With the Beatles. "Rock and Roll Music" was the theme today. Among the unvarnished, gritty, upbeat sounds heard were "Back In the USSR," "Revolution," "Come Together," "Get Back," and the covers "Rock and Roll Music," "Twist and Shout," "Dizzy Miss Lizzy," and "Roll Over Beethoven."

I tried to call Mom, but I got the answering machine. I spent the rest of the early afternoon after the Beatles working on adding records to the Holiday Music Inventory. For some reason, I had to re-download Comcast's software, too. They wouldn't let me online until I did!

It was a gorgeous day when I headed for work. The sun was out, but it was neither too warm nor as windy as the last few days. In fact, it was just about perfect for Southern New Jersey in late October. That may be one of the reasons why we were on-and-off busy but not nearly as bad as Sundays usually are in October. The Eagles being off this week probably helped, too. I was in and out quickly and with no real problems.

When I got home, I put on one of my instrumental jazz records and tossed some leftover vegetables together with home-made chicken stock and a pack of flounder I meant to make the other day and didn't get a chance to. I finally got a hold of Mom while it was cooking. She sounded a little tired but said she was fine. Keefe was the only one home; Dad had gone out fishing. I told her about getting my foot looked at and about how frustrated and tired I am. I haven't been writing anything. Lauren says it's just a slump, but it's been a couple years since I've done any real writing. I don't know what's wrong with me. I get ideas, but they never make it to paper, or I never finish them. Mom says that it's easiest to write what I know, and that I have to make an effort to sell them. That's not easy for me. I'm nervous about the rejection, where to send them, how to do it, and how I'm supposed to sell it.

Waiting For the World To Change

In good news, last night's midnight shift went very well, certainly better than last week's. The customers I had perfectly normal, and there were no major problems customer-wise. There weren't even any complaints that the floor on the front end was going to be stripped and anything from the front end that could be moved was scattered all over the eisles.

Today's been a little frustrating. I got into volunteering late because I woke up late after last night's late shift. I didn't leave until 2. Didn't get my paycheck until 4. Didn't get home until 5:30. This left no time for finishing this month's cleaning or working on a short story, which was supposed to have been my goal for the week.

I don't know what's been wrong with me lately. I just haven't felt motivated to write. I'm wondering if I've lost my touch, if I can even write stories anymore. I make all these big plans and get all these huge ideas, and I never follow through on them. I always put things off and put things off and it either takes forever to get things done or they never get done. I just wish everything would change now, instead of later. I wish everything would happen now.

I wish I were thin now.

I wish I were able to go up to a nice little office and ask for a nice little job now.

I wish I could ask a nice guy on a date now.

I'm tired of waiting for things to happen.