Tuesday, October 09, 2018

A Dark and Humid Afternoon

It was still cloudy and gloomy when I got up this morning. Charlie wasn't happy about the bad weather, either. He was already muttering to himself on my front porch when I grabbed breakfast. Ran a couple of spooky Laurel and Hardy shorts to drown him out. They encounter "The Live Ghost" when they're shanghaied on a ship that's supposedly haunted. Oliver answers an add from a wealthy widow looking for a date. Turns out that the woman has killed seven men named Oliver, and "Oliver the Eighth" is the next in line!

Headed out to do the laundry around 10:30. They were relatively busy, but not enough that I couldn't get a washer and dryer. I mostly just worked on story notes while half-listening to the news and Today. I was there for a little while, as I had a big load that included towels.

As soon as I got home, instead of putting everything away, I only put away about half of my clothes. The rest went in piles to be tucked into the seasonal clothes bin. It's supposed to drop into the 60's during the day by Friday. It's time to pull out the winter clothes, the long-sleeved shirts and heavy knit and corduroy trousers and long black skirt. While the skirt might fit better now after I've lost weight, I'm still not a real big fan of it. I really need a new winter skirt, good winter blouse, and a winter dress, along with good winter shoes. I don't really do a whole lot in the winter to dress up for and have never made buying these a priority. Everything else looks pretty good.

Ran a Halloween episode of Silver Spoons to cheer me up while I made a Fall Fruit (kiwi and grapes) Smoothie and a chocolate chip muffin for lunch. When "A Dark and Stormy Night" causes the mansion to lose power, Edward encourages Ricky and his friends Alfonso and Bobby to tell a round-robin ghost story instead. They come up with the tale of three brave lads who find themselves trapped in a spooky mansion, dodging a mad scientist (Edward) and his creation (Dexter) while helping a very pretty lady (Kate).

Rushed out as soon as the episode ended. I had two quick stops to make before I rode up to Haddonfield for counseling. First on the list was turning in my half-full jar of change at the Westmont Acme's Coin Star machine. (The one at the Audubon Acme was broken when I was at work yesterday.) I was really disappointed when I only got five dollars out of it. I needed it for counseling. Since I went by there anyway, I also swung by the Haddon Township Library to return my DVDs and one of the books. (I'll do actual volunteering there on Monday.)

Despite neither chore taking longer than 10 minutes and there being no traffic, I was still five minutes late for counseling. Mrs. Stahl was cool about it, but I was so embarrassed. I'm not happy with myself in general lately. In good news, I did very much enjoy my vacation, and I've mostly been getting more and better hours at work. The trouble is, I overspent on vacation...and now I'm broke. Again.

On one hand, I do want to become a published writer, and I desperately need to make money somehow. The problem is, I'm nervous about getting out there and promoting myself. First of all, I don't know many people to promote myself to. Second, I don't want to sound like I'm s shill. Third, it's really hard for me to talk to people, especially people I don't know. It's even hard for me to talk to people on social media. I belong to a few groups on Facebook, but I wanted to wait until I made more posts and got better-known to start pushing my work. I'm even too scared to sell my stuff on Craigslist. How would I meet people I don't know face-to-face? Where would I meet them? It's hard to find my apartment.

I want to be a writer...but part of me is afraid of giving up my anonymity. Even though I'm nearing 40, a big chunk of me is still a small child who is bullied and tormented and taunted and teased. I'm terrified of getting hurt again.

Mrs. Stahl says she doesn't really think I'm made for business, but I don't have a choice in the matter. I have to somehow make money and stop falling behind on my rent or bills. There's no other way. And I don't want money I haven't earned, either. I feel guilty when my parents or other adults try to throw money my way. I'd rather they threw potential mentors or job offers my way, or some way I can make money on my own without either getting scared or relying on others.

I wasn't feeling wonderful when I headed out. Not to mention, as Mrs. Stahl pointed out, it was hot, humid, and off-and-on sunny all day. It was only in the lower 80's, but it felt more like the 90's. I had just enough to stop for a water ice at Primo's. They had something called "Dragon's Blood." I was so dry, I bought a medium cup. It turned out to be an odd, bright red-orange cherry-citrus blend. It was more sweet than anything, but it still felt refreshing going down as I relaxed at on the black metal benches in front of the store.

Took the long way there and back across Newton Lake Park. That may have been a mistake. Not only was it 4 PM by then and busy with families out for a stroll, other bikers, and kids out of school, but the bugs have been terrible lately. I kept having to dodge people and swat them away.

Charlie was also complaining about bugs on the porch when I got home. I couldn't blame him, but I had other things to do. I really needed to work on writing. While Leia tries to figure out where the Sword of Strength is, Harry comes up with a quicker way. He borrows her khaki jacket and punches a hole in the crystal wall. Not only does it not hurt him, but it reveals a secret door. The third and last Sword is hidden in a table in the middle...but someone else has been following them...

Broke for dinner at quarter of 7. It cooled off enough by then for me to make cornmeal-crusted chicken breasts with roasted broccoli, cauliflower, and potatoes. Yum! It all came out really nice. Even the breasts weren't too dry. The potatoes were especially flavorful.

Ran two fairly short Bing Crosby musicals from the 1930's to review while I ate. I go further into Here Is My Heart and Mississippi at my Musical Dreams Reviews blog.

Bing Crosby Double Feature - Here Is My Heart & Mississippi

1 comment:

Just Jenny said...

Hi Emma- sorry to hear you are feeling down... have you considered adding some of your recipes to your blog?... the things you make often sound delicious! Maybe you could even pair recipes with your new review blog... and make a sort of “Dinner and a Movie” themed blog. I know you have inspired my cooking many times! Hope you have a better day! Jen- a reader from Rockland County , NY