All Alone In the Dark

I awoke to a beautiful, partly cloudy, chilly fall day. The first thing I did after writing in my journal this morning was call Mom. I needed to talk to someone. Trouble is, she had my sister Anny and her son Skylar with her and didn't have time. She'd call back later.

I was making Whole Grain French Toast for breakfast when Mom did call back. We talked for almost an hour and a half...but though she had good intentions, it didn't make me feel better. She wants me to call the Foot and Ankle Center and find out what's going on with them...and ask Rose to help. I don't really think legal intervention will be necessary. I don't want to make things worse than they already are. She also suggested picking up a part-time job in another store. She said she'd send money to help pay my rent. It's nice of her, but I feel guilty. I hate having to ask for money.

Mom said I need to learn how to have faith. Faith is very hard for me. I feel like nothing's been going right lately. My feet are both hurt. My uncle is dying of cancer. He's been sick for a while, but it's gotten worse in the past few months. I feel like I'm stuck, and nothing will ever, ever change. I'm stuck in a job that I hate because it makes money. I'm stuck on several stories, including two Monkees fanfics that will likely never be finished because I'm no longer interested in that fandom. I'm not good at talking to people, and I get nervous when I try to sell my abilities. I'm not even sure what abilities I have that are marketable and will make me enough money to pay my rent. And everyone keeps pointing their fingers at the economy and how hard it is for people to find jobs and why should you even bother when no one is hiring?

 We talked for so long, my French toast was very cold by the time I finally got to it. I ate it, but my heart wasn't in it. I finally decided to just head out to Oaklyn's Town Picnic despite my sore feet and worse mood. I needed some kind of a distraction, and the Picnic is free.

I was surprised when I saw barricades set up along Kendall near the Oaklyn School and Washington Terrace. There were tents set up along Kendall and the last two blocks of West Clinton, near the school and the buildings with Leo's Yum Yums and Doria's Deli, among others. The Town Picnic is normally set up behind the school, but this year, as they had with the Spring Fling, it was moved out onto the street.

The new location allowed for more activities and twice as many booths. I got to enjoy two performances by the Ovations Dance Studio on West Clinton, next-door to Phillies Phatties. The first was a creative and fun jazz/ballet routine to "This Is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas. The second about a half-hour later was a tumbling number done to a live version of "Hallelujah" by one of the performers from Studio LuLu, the crafts and music center on the first floor of the Ovations/Phillies Phatties building.

I wandered around for about an hour. It had already been going for an hour and a half when I got there. There wasn't much free food left by that point, but I did manage to get a pulled pork sandwich, a little cole slaw, a bottle of water, a banana, and a slice of cake. I watched kids play games near the music stage on the School's front lawn. I saw a booth giving out free Halloween costumes, and another signing people for flu shots at CVS. PNC Bank had a wheel; I won a Sesame Street poster and a jar opener. (I actually do need the latter - could have used it opening my new bottle of maple syrup last week.)  There was a long line of kids waiting for the fire truck rides. The Camden County's Police Department's bomb squad showed off their equipment to curious passer-by.

My favorite booth was headed by Oaklyn's Girl Scouts. A whole platoon of young ladies between 4 and pre-teens painted clay stars, gingerbread men, trees, and candy canes, then coated them with glitter. A den mother explained that the ornaments were for Oaklyn's Town Christmas Tree. The Town Christmas Tree is usually trimmed with paper decorations made by kids at the Oaklyn School, but they're easily blown away or damaged in rain and snow. I had to agree with the mother that the clay ornaments should prove to be far more weather resistant! I contributed a star with a purple center and bright red points. (It even had a little glitter - there was glitter mixed in with the purple paint.)

I headed back to my apartment after I finished my star. I went online for a little while to look up some things and check my e-mail. Rose called me around 5:30, with pretty much the same concerns as Mom. I need to start looking for a second job, not a writing job, but a retail job that uses the skills I have now and will pay the bills. I don't really want them to, but Rose insisted on Dad getting my ankle checked out tomorrow. I'd really rather just put it on ice, but I'm not going to argue with a woman who has trained to be a lawyer. I hate bothering people, especially since Rose also mentioned that Uncle Ken has taken a turn for the worse and may not last the week.

Needless to say, I was not up for making a big dinner. I tossed together some of that Knorr Chicken Stock and the leftover ham and vegetables in my refrigerator and made Ham and Veggie Soup.

Oh, and the Philadelphia Eagles seem to have had a better day than I did. They just finished pushing past division rival the New York Giants, 19-17.