Uncultured

I feel like such an idiot. I HATE, HATE my Acme job, and I especially hate working late. People are ridiculous late. People are ridiculous anyway, but they're especially annoying late at night. I had one woman who couldn't read her checks for the government agency that helps expecting and new mothers because she was ITALIAN. How was I supposed to know? She sounded like all my Hispanic customers in Wildwood. The only place I've ever heard Italian is on TV.

I'm tired of all my customers, especially the men, laughing at me. I know they probably don't mean to be rude, but I hate feeling like a joke. I've been laughed at my entire life because I all ever do is embarrass myself. I'll never get a real job if I can't be taken seriously.

I wish there was an easier way of getting a job. I'm scared to death of interviews! Those fancy executives in their glass towers will take one look at me and fall over laughing. I see beautiful young women walk out of those towers in Philadelphia every time I visit, women in stiletto heels and slinky clothes. Women who are gorgeous. How can I compete with that? Who would want a child in a woman's body whom everyone thinks is a joke to work for them?

I wish I had more connections. Everyone else knows someone who'll hire them. Everyone else has a place they already belong, and I don't fit in with the group.

I can't see myself as one of those women in the stiletto heels. First of all, heels are uncomfortable. Second, I'm not sophisticated. I look like a small child who shouldn't be in a woman's body. I don't know anything. I've never been anywhere. I've never done anything. College was six years ago.

Don't say "think positive." That's what keeps getting me in trouble. I go to work thinking positive; I come home feeling absolutely horrible. I wish I felt like a real adult. I'm not a real adult. Real adults have families and homes and obligations.