Taking Care of Business

Today had more ups and downs than a roller coaster! It didn't start well. I was putting my contacts in when I dropped one. I ran my hands over the sink, all around the sink, under the sink. Nothing. It either went down the drain or fell into the basket with all the books, magazines, and random catalogs I read in the bathroom. That was my last pair. I wasn't happy, but it wasn't a total loss. I have my glasses. I just added a trip to America's Best to my morning errands.

My bike tire wasn't all the way flat, only about half-way there. I pulled out my hand-pump and did it well enough to be able to take the cruiser bike on my errands. I still went to Wal-Mart for an inner tube. Even if it was fine, it wouldn't hurt to have it...and it was a slow leak, more the better. (I also picked up a Transformers-themed birthday card for my nephew Skylar, whose big day is July 31st.) The line at Wal-Mart was long, but it moved fast. I made a quick stop at America's Best to order my new contacts (and my last set before I have to get my eyes examined again), then headed home.

The mail box was full when I arrived. Lauren mentioned a couple of days ago that she was posting an order to Amazon.com. Did I want anything, too? I opted for Wonder Woman: Season 2 and an X-Men paperback, The Return. There was also a surprise in the second box with The Return, a self-help book called Too Nice For Your Own Good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes. When I asked Lauren about it later, she said she bought one for herself and thought it might help me, too.

She might have something there. I'm pretty good about not taking on too much...but I suppress anger or blame myself of express it negatively, and everyone in the universe has scolded me about being hard on myself. I'm afraid of anger. When I think of anger, I think of the physical results - hitting, slapping, pulling hair. My mother and my stepfather beat each other black and blue in the mid and late 80s, in full view of their three young daughters. They never touched us...but there's other kinds of trauma besides being physically hurt yourself. I spent a lot of my childhood swallowing anger at the other children who could seem to do everything perfectly and and made fun of me and the teachers who didn't even try to stop them (or tried and were put down for it). I'm afraid of hurting anyone. I don't know how to be aggressive without being a pain. I have to swallow my anger at my obnoxious customers every day and then I blame myself for their behavior.

And I ran right into one of those problems. Jessa and Taylere weren't at home when I went to fetch them for our trip into Philadelphia. Jessa's car wasn't there. Uncle Ken and Dolores were inside watching TV; Dad was outside mowing the lawn. I'd discovered too late that I didn't have Jessa's phone number on my cell phone. She either forgot or thought I did, though I could have sworn I'd told her we'd leave between one or two, and it was about 1:30 by that point. I left in tears.

After I calmed myself down, I decided to return to my original plan for today, which was going to the library. I'm really glad I did. The DVDs were overflowing to the point where they were two rows deep on the DVD return cart and there were STILL more coming in. I organized them as best I could (took me over an hour), then took out some items of my own - two American Girls summer stories (Addy Saves the Day and Samantha Saves the Day), a stack of Disney Vacation and Uncle Scrooge comic books (I prefer funny animals and/or kids to superheroes), and a book on taking the GRE. I want to see what I'm up against if I do decide to go back to school. They finally had the newest Backyardigans DVD, Robin Hood the Clean, and I snapped up the Irish indie musical Once, which I've wanted to see.

It was almost quarter of 6 by the time I finally got out of the library. It was too late for me to make dinner, and I'd forgotten to get something out of the fridge anyway. Inspired by a book on New Jersey Diners I saw at the library, I headed down the hill to the Crystal Lake Diner. Though the parking lot was full, it actually wasn't that busy inside. A young man who was the host recognized me, and the waiter was very sweet about waiting for me to choose. I finally opted for a chicken cheese steak platter with fries, fried onions, a pickle, and cole slaw. It was delicious...and huge. So big, I ended up taking half of it home.

Jessa called while I was chatting with Lauren. She apologized for the mix-up earlier. We'll try something next week or the week after, when I get my paycheck.

And I just saw a huge gray mouse go flying across my bedroom floor! I have no idea where he went. I set up a trap in the space between my wall, the children's book case, and the American Girl dolls' bed. I hope that's right. I didn't see any mouse holes, but it may be behind the case and the closets next to it.

And I think the trap just went off...