Getting Back On the Merry Go Round

It was quarter of 10 before I finally opened my eyes...and discovered another glorious, sunny late summer morning. I read More All-Of-A-Kind Family in bed and wrote in my journal. Got dressed, had a very quick Cheerios-and-peach breakfast, and headed outside for a walk.

I just strolled around the neighborhood. Went all the way down Manor Ave, then back up Cedar and over to Kendall. It was a wonderful day for it. The sky was that brilliant blue again. Some of the trees have leaves that are just starting to turn colors. I could hear the students at the Oaklyn School screaming and chasing each other, enjoying their recess. Watching them run around the huge field in the back of the school and the concrete area with the hopscotch court and basketball nets reminded me of the similar set-up at Cape May Elementary when I was a child. Only our field, formerly the high school football field, was a lot bigger (and still retains the football goals to this day - it took me years to figure out what those were and why they were in our school yard), as was the concrete area.

Spent an hour or so working on editing the role play and doing things online after I got in from my walk. Around 2, I watched Max and Ruby and had a quick Peanut Butter and Apple Butter Sandwich with sliced tomatoes and a plum for lunch. When I finished lunch, I grabbed the DVDs and the books I had to return this week and headed for the Haddon Township Library. (Made a brief stop at the Dollar Tree for sponges on the way, but they didn't have the kind I like, the thicker ones.)

There were huge piles of DVDs sitting on the return shelf when I arrived! I hadn't seen that many DVDs in ages. It took me over an hour to return them all. Getting the kids DVDs alone organized took nearly twenty minutes. There were a lot more non-fiction DVDs than usual, too, which took another twenty minutes.

On the other hand, I found some good DVDs pretty quickly. I ended up with the 1950s Ivanhoe with Robert Taylor, How the West Was Won, Pretty In Pink, and the second, third, and four season set for A Pup Named Scooby Doo. Also took out the children's novel Heidi.

Headed for Collingswood next. I wanted to check out the Weight Watchers group at 5:30 at the Collingswood Fire Hall. Trouble was, first of all, I got over there much later than I'd planned. Second, it took me twenty minutes just to find the entrance. By the time I had found it, the first meeting of the night was already under way. I signed up, then went to Saladworks two blocks away for an Autumn Harvest wrap and a pickle for dinner.

The Weight Watchers meeting was disappointing. First of all, as nice as the leader was, she didn't discuss anything about nutrition that I don't already know (like watch your portions, you can eat anything as long as you don't overdo it, if you eat fiber and protein, you'll feel fuller).

Second, the group didn't really do much besides sit there and say "whee, a couple of people lost four pounds!" I need more out of a group than to sit there and cheer over losing pounds. I need to actually DO something to lose those pounds.

Third (and this was one of the reasons I quit the online version), the whole "Points" thing is way too complicated. I don't mind keeping a food journal, but all the adding and trying to figure out how many points for this and that is just annoying.

Fourth, you have to go to a meeting somewhere every week, or you have to pay extra the week after. I can't always make every meeting every week. I really can't ask for the time off; that's one of the big reasons I stopped doing counseling. The only morning meetings in the area are in Cherry Hill, where I can't get to easily.

I don't regret trying it, though. It was $15, which isn't bad. I probably won't go back, but now I have a clearer idea of how I want to lose weight and to meet people. I need to meet people who DO something besides sit and yammer about how they're going to do something. I want to be active, whether it's a dance class or a yoga class or a crochet or woodworking club.

To that end, I rode past the Pillar Dance Studio on West Clinton Avenue in Oaklyn on my way home from Collingswood and found it open, for once. A girl at the desk gave me their schedule (hand-printed - she said they were out of printed ones) and said that walk-ins are welcome and yes, they do have adult classes. (In fact, an adult ballet class was going on as we talked.) I told her I lived around the corner and was considering several local dance schools.

I treated myself to an ice cream cone at Leo's next-door after that. Well, I wanted a frozen yogurt cone, but they were out of frozen yogurt. The lady there didn't seem to understand that I wanted a small cone, either. She gave me two huge scoops of Vanilla Fudge! The moment I turned away from her, I tossed the top scoop in the nearest trash can. I can't eat that much ice cream.

Close To Balancing

Started today with yoga class. I almost didn't make it, but I'm glad I did. It went very well. Once again, it was a busy class, about 14 counting the teacher Karin. We concentrated on headstands and preparing for them today. I'm now able to do a half-handstand, with my feet on the wall. I can even take one foot off the wall. I'm not quite ready to get on my head yet...but I'll take this! It's a big improvement, and I'm very happy with it.

After a quick stop at the thrift shop to drop off donations and say "hi" to my friend Erica, I headed for the Collingswood Library. With most people there concentrating on the kids' Storybook Hour, I just returned DVDs and organized them.

Went straight home after class. There was something I wanted to do last night, but my Internet was running slow. Now that it's (literally) up to speed again, I can cancel my Weight Watchers account. I haven't been doing it as much in the past year or so, and it doesn't seem to be helping me as much as it used to. I'll still keep track of what I eat in my food journal, and I'll still try to lose weight and eat the right things, but I'm going to try to find other ways of doing it that works for me now.

Though it was still sunny by the time I headed out to work, there was a very nice breeze. My bike rides today were quite pleasant.

Work was mostly steady all night. I had a few problems with people from Camden trying to buy every sale cheap to re-sell at chop-shops. I'm through playing their games. They can buy however many the sale says, and that's it. No more. They can't come back in and get more, they can't use 5,000 coupons and hold the line up, and they can't get the coupons back after they whine that the order isn't as cheap as they want it to be. I'm not enabling them to do something that's essentially illegal and takes inventory away from customers who need it.

It was much, much cooler when I headed out. Sometime around 7, the sky suddenly clouded over. It had rained very briefly, but all it was when I went home was windy and cloudy. It still hasn't rained, but I've heard thunder and it's downright cold out there. Needless to say, I turned the air conditioner off.

Pride and Embarrassment

As you can probably tell from the entry below, I'm completely disgusted with myself right now. I went over on Weight Watchers for the third time in four days. I've NEVER done this badly in the almost two months I've been doing it! I'm eating way too much junk food and not enough of the right foods, like fruit and vegetables.

I just can't help it. I like muffins, cakes, and breads, but people aren't supposed to eat them. They're supposed to eat fruits and vegetables. I think I'm making the right foods and that they'll be low-fat, but of course, the recipes never are.

I'm proud of my 14-year-old brother Keefe. He won his middle school's Outstanding Achievement In Band Award and got a $200 saving's bond! He was the lead drummer in the school's marching band, and Mom and Rose both said he and the whole band were fantastic. They won several awards, including first place in the New York's marching band-heavy St. Patrick's Day Parade.

He looked very handsome in his suit and tie. I'm glad he's the kind of guy who doesn't mind getting dressed up. ;)

I don't know how my brother puts up with my mom and stepdad, though. All they do is bicker! They bickered the whole five minutes to Teitleman Middle School, then bickered all the way home, and kept fussing at each other even while Mom served the rest of us cake! Mom blamed my stepdad's immaturity, but she's at fault, too. She's bossy and, as I know too well, she can be a nag.

Maybe it's just as well Rose had to work and we only stayed a few hours. I don't know how long I could have taken the two of them going at it. :p

I did something stupid after getting home. I locked myself out while leaving to go out to dinner, and of course, my landlady is out of town. I was lucky she has reletives in the neighborhood (who happen to be friends of my uncle), but I really need to be more careful. I can't go into hysterics every time there's trouble, either. Everyone took it really well, but it's immature of me to cry and get upset every time something bad happens. It's just a habit. I get scared and worried and I don't know what to do.

And of course, the salad I ordered at the Italian restaraunt I went to when I finally did get my keys turned out to be a hell of a lot of points, thanks to the ham, turkey, and cheese used.

I wish I were a lot smarter.

Too Many Treats

Urgh. I went way over on my Weight Watchers points, and I didn't do much exercising today. I know the points start over tomorrow, but I can't believe I went that over. I was over more than seven points! I went over four times last week. I really, really need to be more careful with snacks. I'm so addicted to baked goods, like muffins and cake, I can't help it. I've eaten a lot of ice cream and frozen yogurt lately, too, because it's been so hot.

Not much going on other than that. Lauren and I finally finished the role-play tonight. We actually started this one in late May, but it took longer to do than our last few because Lauren went to a concert and we were slightly short on ideas. We're going to have to start the next one early too, due to the Fourth of July and our mid-July vacation.

Work was steady but quiet...until about an hour before I left! Then, all of a sudden, everyone in the world decided to go shopping. We still had personnel problems, but this time it was the CSRs - front end managers - who disappeared. We had one very young guy on who was brand new and on his own for an hour. Poor thing was frantic.

Good Thing Going

Yay! According to my sister Rose's scale, I finally lost two pounds! At the very least, it means this whole Weight Watchers thing isn't a lost cause.

Rose and I went to the massive Cherry Hill Mall to go shopping today. Rose and Mom have long harped on my clothes. I don't match well; I don't wear the right colors for my skin and hair tone; I don't take time to buy clothes that fit; I wear thrift-shop clothes that are out-of-date (but soooo much cheaper).

I hate clothes shopping. I hate trying on clothes. I want to look nice, but not fussy or trashy. (My chest is big enough without calling attention to it.) It doesn't help that current styles are not exactly in tune to my body shape, either. Fussy frilly straight skirts. Huge boot-leg pants slung uncomfortably below the hip. Smocking that only makes you look wider. Blouses with huge gaping collars and gathers at the chest that show off far more cleavage than anyone needs to show. Big, wild, psychadelic prints. Tiny tank tops. Ugh.

We tried Torrid, a designer shop that carries plus sizes, first. The boot-cut jeans fit all right. Rose said I actually looked good in the red swiss-dotted shirt with the gathers in the middle and the empire design, but it felt all wrong. Except for the colors; kudos to Torrid for seeming to base their entire spring line around cherry reds! (Red's been my favorite color since childhood.)

Old Navy proved a better fit. I ultimately picked up two good blouses in coral red and orange (the last time I was in an Old Navy, I got a similar styled blouse in yellow and turquoise) and a pair of brown shorts.

Rest of the day was much quieter. I went for a long walk through the park, up to the railroad tracks, and down Uncle Ken's street to West Clinton Avenue and up Manor to my apartment. Work was short (only four hours today) and though busy, not nearly as problematic as yesterday.

The Gift Of Health

My sister Rose gave me three free months at Weight Watchers for my birthday. We're going to try to do it together. My best friend Lauren's tried to get me into Weight Watchers for years, but I never had the time to attend the meetings, I'm not crazy about getting on a scale around strangers, and there's the whole "groups make me nervous" thing.

I figured I'd give it a try. I really need to lose weight badly. I'm so fat, it's disgusting. I shouldn't be this fat, but my hobbies - reading, writing, listening to music - are sedentary. I don't play sports (I doubt there are local women's field hockey teams, and I'm lousy at everything else), and I exercise to get places, not to exercise. It's been especially bad this winter, thanks to the weather.

I don't know how well I'll do. I've had a hard time with diets in the past. I get bored with them. I can't help it. I like to eat. I get bored with not eating as much as I want or the things I want, I get hungry, and I eat. You just can't read and ride a bike at the same time, or walk and watch a movie (though music, admittedly, is portable).

Day was variable other than that. I used that Giveanything.com gift certificate from Lauren to buy a 6-CD Classic Disney import set for about $18. I have one of the original "Classic Disney" albums on cassette and I listen to it constantly. The "Classic Disney" set includes songs from live-action films, TV shows, little-known cartoon, and theme parks that are seldom heard today. (A good example - three songs from the controversial "Song Of The South" are included on this collection, including the Oscar-winning "Zip-De-Do-Dah" and the standard "Everybody Has A Laughing Place." Another good example - songs from the live-action Disney musicals "Summer Magic," "The One And Only, Genuine, Original Family Band," "The Happiest Millionaire," and "Newsies.")

(And if anyone knows where the Sherman Brothers novelty tune "I Dropped A $100,000 In the Market (But Found a Million Dollars In Your Smile)" comes from, please tell me, because CDMarketplace didn't know either!)

I deposited money in the bank from yesterday and did my laundry this morning, but this afternoon was nothing but trouble. Work was mobbed again; everyone was buying "flood supplies" and complaining about their basements getting water-logged. Well, what do you expect when you build a basement in a swampy area?

I'm really getting sick of the paranoia over the bottom of the baskets. How about we get new baskets with no grilles on the bottom? Or do what a customer suggested, spend a little money, and install cameras that can tell us what's under the baskets? I was scolded today because one of the front end managers reminded me to ask about it after I already had. I was annoyed and complained, but forgot I was doing it around customers, and the new head manager wasn't happy. I was depressed for a lot of the rest of the afternoon.