Trouble In the Rain

I was finishing Jolene in bed when my phone went off. Bob from Abilities Solutions said I'd be meeting him at 10:30 at the Senior Center. They had a meeting today. That was fine. Vanessa sent me an e-mail last week detailing the changes. I looked that up after I finished writing in my journal, then had a quick breakfast and headed out.

Went to the Collingswood Senior Center, ignoring the gloomy, cool day and off-and-on showers. Arrived ten minutes early...but Bob didn't show. He didn't show after ten minutes, or twenty. He called me at quarter of 11. He was at the Senior Center in Audubon, not the one in Collingswood. Why did I think it was the one in Collingswood? 

I know I'm not supposed to get emotional. Everyone's always fussing at me about it...but I couldn't help bursting into tears as I rode down Beechwood and over the White Horse Pike. I so badly wanted to make a good impression, and I totally ruined it for myself. I really feel horrible. I don't have the time to re-do today. I'll be going away in two weeks. I lost a day and evaluation time and looked childish and unprofessional. I'll never prove to everyone I can do a real job if I keep getting upset. 

It got worse when Bob texted me and told me we'd start again tomorrow. I told him it would be fine and I'd meet him in 20 minutes...only to ride over to the other side of Audubon and get completely lost in the increasing showers. I tried to explain how frustrated and embarrassed I felt and to apologize for my behavior, but he said it wasn't necessary. I think it was necessary. I caused trouble. Of course I had to apologize for it!

Rode home, traded my lunch for my purse, and went back out, ignoring the ongoing showers. I seriously needed to make myself feel better. Hadn't had lunch at the bagel shop in Westmont in years. They were surprisingly quiet for 12:30. Either the kids were in school, or the weather scared them off. Only one other lady used the Wi-Fi at a booth. I had a tasty breakfast burrito with eggs, turkey sausage, provolone cheese, and tomatoes. (Their new decor is more disappointing. The booths are the same, but the plain white walls now hold generic food artwork. The sports memorabilia is limited to one wall between the bathrooms, and the TV is gone.)

Stopped at Target next. I needed hair clips. Theirs were slightly cheaper than the ones at CVS. Grabbed two more binders and erasers on sale.

Why have I been buying binders? I want to move the solo DVDs from boxes to binders. It's easier to keep TV sets together in boxes, but the solo discs take up too much room. The boxes I bought two years ago take up quite a bit of room, too. And I know people are supposed to be getting rid of clutter, but there are a lot of movies I like that aren't on streaming or can't be streamed legally, and I don't want them all on my laptop. As with the books and music, I trust physical copies over just keeping everything online. 

Moved the CDs to binders for an hour, then made my bed and relaxed, Watched Goodbye, Mr. Chips as I worked. I go further into the lovely 1969 version of the story of a shy British teacher who marries a musical star at my Musical Dreams Movie Reviews blog. 

Back to School Again - Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1969)

(Incidentally, I'm glad I got home when I did. The rain picked up by the time the movie finished. It would be off-and-on heavy for the rest of the afternoon.)

Worked on writing after the movie ended. Jack (Klugman) the Red Knight first insults Brett...but as Marcia reminds her, she's their queen now. She finally convinces him to go release their sons and take her to the tea party. 

Broke for dinner at 6:30. Watched Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood as I got organized. "Jodi Tries Ballet" for the first time and is frustrated when she can't do it as well as the other kids. Henrietta and her mother encourage her to keep trying until she gets it. Likewise, "Daniel Tries Something New With Grandpere" and is initially upset when he makes a mess, until he finally figures out how to do it. 

Watched Match Game '75 while I finally ate. For some reason, they skipped the next episode and went straight into a new panel. Dick Gautier, Melinda Fee, and Betty White were the semi-regulars here. Gene happily welcomed "new kid on the block" Melinda with a kiss. Meanwhile, Richard tries to figure out "__ Along" in the Head-to-Head, while Gene points out Miss Miller, a little old lady who went to all the shows at Television City, in the audience. 

Finished the night online with more Wheeler and Woosley currently on HBO Max. They're Wilbur Boswell (Wheeler) and Addington Ganzy (Woosley), insurance salesman who fall for runaway heiress Mary Marsh (Dorothy Lee) Hook, Line, and Sinker. They help her make a go of a dilapidated hotel she's inherited, and Wilbur even falls for her. Her mother Rebecca (Jobyna Howland) intends for Mary to wed her lawyer John Blackwell (Ralf Harolde). but then she falls for Addington. She's not the only one protesting them running the hotel. There's two sets of gangsters who want the contents of the hotel safe, one of which is actually run by Blackwell. The other is fronted by a phony duke (William B. Davidson) and duchess (Natalie Moorhead) who try to seduce the guys into giving up the combination to the safe.

This wound up being one of RKO's biggest hits of 1930. The simple but worn premise allows the duo ample room for their wiseguy gags, including Moorhead's attempts to seduce the combination numbers out of them. Fun if you're a fan of their brand of comedy. 

Having a Heat Wave

Began the morning with breakfast and Buzzr. I'd seen the To Tell the Truth episode with the three women who claimed to write a book on cleaning the oceans before, but What's My Line? was new to me. Meredith MacRae finally guessed that the first man sold camping backpacks, but no one realized the lady was one of the first State Troopers in Pennsylvania. The Mystery Guest was Darren McGavin, best known to most people nowadays as Ralphie's "old man" in A Christmas Story.

Made my grocery list while Sale of the Century was on. This was my first grocery trip in my new home. I have a much larger refrigerator to fill! Tried calling Rose to see what she was doing after Supermarket Sweep started, but she was at work. (She called later. In addition to being at work, it's just too hot to move anything today.)

Called Uber as the Big Sweep wound down, but they took 20 minutes to show and stopped at the wrong house. I didn't see them until almost 5 minutes after they arrived! At least there were no other problems and no traffic in Oaklyn or on the Black Horse Pike.

Grocery shopping was a lot easier. Everyone must have been hiding from the 98 degree heat in air conditioning, their pools, or down at the Shore. Had a free online coupon for eggs and a much smaller one for Acme's generic ice cream. Chicken parts are still cheap; grabbed a pack of legs. Since ground turkey was on sale, I decided to have tacos for dinner and bought soft taco shells. (The hard ones are too messy for me.) Restocked cereal (went with shredded wheat), peaches, bananas, yogurt, peanut butter, apricot preserves, milk, and low-salt canned diced tomato, black beans, and chick peas.

 Of course, just as I finished and was calling to go home, my phone died. What was I going to do? I couldn't get through to Uber, and everyone I knew was at the hospital or work. I ended up getting a ride home from a manager on lunch who used to live in Oaklyn and knows the area pretty well.

Had a quick banana-berry-basil smoothie and peanut butter-jelly bar lunch while watching Match Game. Lots of girdle jokes early-on here, including from the contestant. Later, Charles and Brett fussed at each other's answers on a Jeckyl-and-Hyde question.

Let Buzzr run in the background as I did the dishes and resumed unpacking. Switched the wider black shelf at the door to Dad and Jodie's house with the narrower brown one. The art supplies went on two of the shelves in the entertainment center, where the kids could get at them. Put the boxes of photos and the board games on the top shelf in the living room (and found three of Dana's old college papers). The two Frisbees were all I had left of my outdoor toys; they went in my full hall closet. The self-help books went back on top of my desk, where they were before.

Rose came in as Super Password started. The prognosis for Dad isn't looking good. He'll come home on Wednesday, but he's not expected to last the week. She kept saying not to be shocked, but...I knew when he ended up in the hospital, it was likely all over. Rose also reminded me to bring the mountain of boxes accumulating on the patio outside to the curb. Oh, I wouldn't forget. I didn't want to see them stacked there, either.

Finished shelving the photo books and board games as Press Your Luck wound down. One lady got close, but in the end, Friday's champion came through. She did even better today, winning a pool table and an Orlando vacation to go with her money.

Tried to do some writing after the show ended, despite being incredibly tired. The others join Charles, dancing with the crowd and distracting them while he dodges Ira. The angry sheriff eventually gets spun into the dessert table, sending cakes and pies flying everywhere. He screams for the trolls...but Charles has his own army, of sorts...

Broke for dinner at 6:30. Made my tacos with sliced tomato and Asian green beans while watching the last Match Game showing of the day. Ron Pallilo of Welcome Back, Kotter and a pair of Pattys, Duke and Deustch, joined Gene and the regulars for jokes about cow manure and an Audience Match involving "Dr. ___."

It was finally cool enough for me to take out the boxes and the plastic recycling during Sale of the Century. Jodie called during dinner to remind me, too. She was there when I dragged out four huge stacks of boxes in all shapes and sizes. Took out some trash, too, and consolidated that.

Finished the night after a shower with the Match Game syndicated premiere and the 1921 silent version of The Three Musketeers on YouTube. The first of Douglas Fairbanks Sr.'s big costume adventures has him as D'Artangan fighting the schemes of the Cardinal Richeleu (Nigel De Bruller) with the help of Athos (Leon Bary), Porthos (George Siegmann), and Aramis (Eugene Pallatte). It moves a bit faster than his later costume tales, and other than condensing some characters, actually sticks to the book pretty well. Recommended for fans of swashbucklers, Fairbanks, or early cinema.

Trouble Under the Sun

Kicked off my first full morning in the new apartment with breakfast and Split Second. Three new contestants battled it out today, but no one came close to the lady who was a substitute teacher. She got the most money, breezed through the countdown round, and chose the right billboards for the car on her first try.

Made a list of everything I needed at Family Dollar today and did the dishes while watching Blockbusters. This one began and ended with the ongoing solo lady champ winning the Gold Rush round, the first time barely. In between, she handily beat a son and father-in-law.

Headed out around quarter after 11. I had a lot to do today, starting with laundry. Picked the right day to do it. They were dead when I came in, and stayed dead the entire time I was around. I chose the largest laundry machine to give me more time at Family Dollar.

Family Dollar was a little busier, maybe because it was past noon by the time I got there. Unfortunately, their kitchen and bathroom sections were really picked over. I would have replaced the shower curtain anyway, and the metal rings are rusted. My dish pan and rack have just about had it, too. Found a decent shower curtain and inexpensive rings...but no dish pans or racks. Also grabbed sponges (needed to replace those too) and more binders for the CDs.

Despite the quiet inside, I still sat on the curb when I got back. It was a gorgeous day. The wind remained, and while it was still a little humid, it was neither as hot nor as humid as it has been the past week. Worked on story notes and basked in the sunlight.

Went to WaWa after I pulled the laundry out to buy lunch. Surprisingly, despite it being almost 1 by then, they weren't busy either. I picked up a sparkling water and a six-inch turkey hoagie for dinner and a pretzel for a snack and was on my way.

The trouble started when I got home. I just could not open the door, no matter how hard I tried. The knob wouldn't turn, and Jodie was at the hospital with Dad. Luckily, Jodie's son Jesse drove up at that moment. He told Jodie he'd continue to do yard work for them. He, Dana, and their dog Nala are very happy in their far larger house in Woodbury Heights about a half-hour from here. Jesse has a massive yard to landscape, and Nala has somewhere to run and play.

He and a neighbor tried to figure out how to get me into the house. Trouble is, none of them had a key to the main house, and the windows were either crank models, or too high off the ground. After 20 minutes of frantically searching, I finally left everything by the door and went back out again with my cart.

The other big thing I wanted to do today was haul more small things over to my place from Manor Avenue. By far the most important were the two small recycling canisters. One will double as a trash can until I can get a metal one. I've had the big trash can since I lived in Wildwood. It's made of plastic and smells terrible in the summer. Other things I brought over included my large brown and orange umbrella, one of the bags of journals (I'll get the other tomorrow), Khai and Finley's artwork, and the few things remaining in the refrigerator.

Jesse did indeed tell Jodie to open my door. It was open when I got in. Put away the food, then had some fresh pineapple while watching Tattletales. Started putting up the new shower curtain rod while the show was still on. I had trouble doing that, too. The big rod just would not stay where I wanted it to or remain level, no matter how hard I tried. Press Your Luck was on by the time I finally got it to stick and was able to put up the rings and curtain.

Finished putting everything away, then had the hoagie and sparkling water for an early dinner as Match Game began. The first 1974 episode had Jackie Joseph sporting a pretty pink dress and a flowered headband in honor of her recent trip to Hawaii, while Gene tried to look tough for fellow host Bert Convy, dizzy Louisa Moritz, and ever-laughing Kaye Stevens in the second. Things got really wild in the 1977 shows, with Brett's chair somehow vanishing and Charles putting in an appearance in his Santa Claus costume (which he hadn't been allowed to wear that past Christmas).

By the time Sale of the Century was on, I'd settled down on my new, very comfortable futon to work on that crocheted pillow case. It was a tight race today, with everyone getting something and no one being ahead of anyone else. In the end, the champ just barely pulled ahead in the bonus round to win. (I don't know if he won the speed round. Verizon cut out briefly on me at that point.)

Called Rose after I gave up on the TV. She still has work tomorrow, though she did mention she might bring the kids over later to say 'hi.' I'll go over to the house and get one more load on my own before Jessa comes. I have to order pizza anyway. She also said to call her or Craig the next time I get locked out. They have keys to Dad and Jodie's house.

Jumped in the shower after that. Ooh, I love my new shower. The tub is longer and narrower, but also deeper, in a pleasant shade of pale yellow. The spray is one of those hand-held ones, and it felt absolutely amazing on my tired back and stiff neck.

Chatted with Lauren tonight. Yeah, as I suspected, we're not getting together this year. Travel is still too restricted, and there isn't much for us to do. We'll try again next May. I'm far less disappointed than I was when she originally pushed back the date in March. We now know more about the ramifications of everything with the virus. Not to mention, I'm still getting the apartment organized and am recovering from a broken elbow. This is a bad time for vacations all around. I might have pushed my trip to later in September to give me more time to do things here even if things were normal.

Finished the night on a more pleasant note with Royal Wedding. I go further into this English jaunt with Jane Powell and Fred Astaire at my Musical Dreams Movie Reviews blog.

Royal Wedding (1951)

Dolls On a Bad Day

Began a cloudy morning with breakfast and Star Wars: Resistance. Kaz and Tam are disappointed when the races are canceled and they're no longer able to join the Ace Squadron, but the residents of the Colossus have worse problems. "The Disappeared" are those who have gone missing after speaking out against the First Order, including Ace Squadron leader Hype Fazon and cantina owner Aunt Z. Kaz and Torra do what they can to rescue them...but in doing so, they expose Kaz's spying activities and puts Team Fireball in danger.

Kaz, Yeager, and Neeku manage to escape their First Order captors in "Descent." Tam, however, doesn't believe that the First Order is there to harm them and turns herself in. The trio run back to the kids, who take them to the Colossus' main computer. It's there that Kaz hatches a daring plan to lower the Colossus into the sea so they can get to the tower and send a communication to the Resistance.

Shortly after breakfast, I accidentally brushed against the shelf on the table with the DVD player. That shelf is thin and prone to tipping...and it did indeed go crashing to the floor! To my horror, two of the Clone Wars discs were missing. I found Season 1, disc 1, but I spent more than 20 minutes searching and just could not find Season 2, disc 1! I really don't want to replace it. I have to vacuum this week, anyway. If I can't find it by the end of the week, I'll replace it.

I didn't get started with dressing the dolls as fast as I would have wanted, thanks to all that mess. It was also time to pull out the dolls' winter clothes. Molly, Jessa, and Ariel are all in jeans. Ariel has beaded bell-bottom jeans with high-top sneakers and a magenta t-shirt. Jessa wears a pink, black, and white sailor-style blouse with jean capris. Molly's simpler in a red t-shirt with rolled-up jeans and loafers. Samantha and Josefina are in their current "meet" outfits. Sam wears her lacy pink dress with the burgundy velvet sash and lace collar with white tight and black and white boots. Josefina has her red and blue flower print skirt. Felicity's in her original Rose Garden "meet" outfit.

Had a really quick lunch while doing another Resistance episode. We're at the beginning of the end with "No Escape, Part 1." Things are really going badly for Kaz. Yeager was captured, and the rest of the Resistance can't come. Kaz and Torra have to rescue Yeager while Neeku and the kiddies discover that the Colossus can fly and try to get it in the air. Meanwhile, the First Order has gotten to Tam and claims they're only peacemakers...and she's starting to believe them...

The seat stayed on my bike for ten minutes. It fell off on the White Horse Pike, near the former PNC Bank. I was so fed up and frustrated, I got upset and cried and totally embarrassed myself. I tried to find a branch I could use to tighten it, but there just weren't any around. One of the store owners on that block of the Pike got it on, but it was still tippy.

Tried to cheer myself up by taking the long way across Newton Lake Park. A day that started out cloudy had turned hot, sunny, and a little humid by that point. There were quite a few people out and about, enjoying the sparkling green river, including a flock of Canadian geese poking around for a snack.

It was past 3 by the time I finally got to the Haddon Township Library. They were busy too, with a cart laden with DVDs. There were so many, half of them didn't fit on any of the shelves. I put away what I could get in. Took out two recent girl-power tales, Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase and Felicity Jones playing a real-life female rebel, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, in On the Basis of Sex, plus Funny Girl for review on Thursday.

Made a very quick stop on the way home. My friend Amanda had a birthday today. I went in, quickly grabbed her a card, and went back out.

As soon as I got home, I messed around with the bike seat again. It once again took me a half-hour, but I got it balanced enough that it's now on. Whether it actually stays on this time remains to be seen. I just have to get to work tomorrow.

Just about the only thing that went well for me today was finishing what I now call The Most Dangerous Blank. Just as Ira turns into a devil and starts attacking her, Brett is shaken awake by Fannie Flagg. Turns out it was a vodka-fueled nightmare, based on her own misgivings about their treatment, her frustration with her divorce, and overindulgence in alcohol at lunch and Richard's ongoing complaints about doing Match Game and Family Feud. Charles and Bill tease her and say she needs a doctor, but she's fine...mostly, anyway. When she shakes off the liquor and tries to ignore that look in Ira's eyes...

The only place I've ever seen Match Game fanfiction at press time is WattPad, and I'm not crazy about them. All of my Match Game fanfics as of this second will be exclusive to my Writer's Desk at the Riverside blog, including this one.

Major warning that this is a horror story, and it's got a hard R rating for language, violence, mild sexuality, and general horror mayhem. For those of you who are over 16 or are already horror and Match Game fans, I hope you all enjoy...if you dare!

The Most Dangerous Blank: Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Rose called while I was writing. I don't know how, but she'd somehow heard about what happened with my bike today. I was hoping I wouldn't have to replace it, but it's really broken. I'd prefer to do it myself once I have the money, but she said we'll see. Now I really feel embarrassed. I wish I was better about holding my feelings in check. I just get upset and scared, and I don't think. I get angry. I need that bike, and it's less than a year old. I haven't had seat problems like this before.

Finished out the Resistance set as I ate leftovers for dinner. The second half of "No Escape" has Neeku coming up with the idea to flush out the First Order by flooding the halls. That works, but now they're sending TIE fighters and a Star Destroyer after them...and Tam, believing herself to have been betrayed by her friends, sides with the First Order. Kaz and the others are going to need a lot of help to take down Vonreg and his troops...but help is on the way, from not one, but two unlikely sources.

This grew on me as the season went on. I'm still not all that crazy about Kaz, who can be even more of a cocky jerk than Poe at times. The revelation about his parents and his family and what happens to them in the finale comes a bit too little, too late.

I find his co-workers to be more interesting and relatable. Tam puts a human face on the Empire and the First Order and explains why people will live in totalitarian regimes, despite their poor treatment of them - they provide jobs and safety. Neeku is hilarious, the kids are fun (and show just how awful Kylo Ren can be), and supporting characters like mouthy Aunt Z and sweet Torra add to the fun. Love the animation too, a unique CGI that's made to look like hand-drawn animation. It looks terrific, and far less "computer-ish" than some earlier Star Wars cartoon efforts.

If you're a fan of the Star Wars sequels who really needs to know more about the Resistance, you'll want to give this a look. It might make a nice lead-in to this December's Rise of Skywalker.

Ended the night after a shower with Rose of Washington Square. I go into more detail about this melodramatic vehicle for Alice Faye at my Musical Dreams Movie Reviews blog.

Rose of Washington Square

It's Christmas Cookies Time

Began a beautiful, sunny December morning with breakfast and Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. Everyone on Sesame Street is looking forward to a joyful holiday. Big Bird, however, is worried. Oscar the Grouch told him that if Santa can't get down those skinny New York chimneys, no one will get any presents! Snuffy, Kermit, and one of the kids try to help him figure out how he does it. Meanwhile, Ernie and Bert sell the things that mean the most to them to buy Christmas presents for each other, but Mr. Hooper has a surprise that'll make their Christmas merrier. Cookie Monster wants Santa to bring him lots of cookies, but he keeps eating the writing utensils.

Went into the Merry Christmas Molasses Cookies as soon as I finished eating. Like the sugar cookies I made for Halloween, these are a cut-out cookie. The original recipe in The Betty Crocker Cooky Book calls for honey and lemon flavoring, but I prefer the spicier variation that uses molasses, ginger, and cinnamon. It's like a crispier gingerbread cookie. Unlike the sugar cookies, these came out perfectly. I thought they were too dry, but the batter rolled just fine, and nothing fell apart when I cut them out.

Put on The Bishop's Wife while I worked. The bishop in this case is Henry (David Niven), who is desperate to get a huge new cathedral built. He spends all his time trying to convince stuffy old rich ladies like Mrs. Hamilton (Gladys Cooper) to donate funds and completely ignores his wife Julia (Loretta Young) and daughter Debbie (Karolyn Grimes). He's at the end of his rope when salvation arrives in the form an impossibly suave angel, Dudley (Cary Grant). Dudley says he's there to offer Henry guidance. Henry thinks he's there to help him get his cathedral built, but what Dudley really wants is for him to realize how important his family is. Dudley, however, ends up falling for Julia, making Henry finally see just how much he loves her.

As much as I enjoyed The Preacher's Wife, this one is equally good, if not a bit better. Grant in particular makes a great angel - check out his quick method of decorating Christmas trees!

The movie ended just in time for me to pull the cookies out of the oven and finish the dishes. Headed out as soon as I was done. I had enough money of my own left to have lunch at Phillies Phatties. Despite it being 1:30, they were already busy with kids from the school down the street (and a lone mother) having lunch. (I later discovered they let out early for parent-teacher conferences this week) I had a tasty thin-crust slice of pepperoni and white broccoli, along with a fountain Mountain Dew.

Next stop was the Haddon Township Library. They were the quietest I'd ever seen them. Most people are focusing on baking or shopping this week. Not to mention, the weather, while not as warm as yesterday, was otherwise much nicer than it was over the weekend or it's supposed to be on Thursday and Friday. I think there might have been two other people there besides the librarians and me. I shelved the few adult DVD titles and made sure they were all organized properly. Headed out after a little over a half-hour.

(I didn't take any DVDs out this week myself. First of all, I have plenty of holiday programming to watch at home. Second, I have no idea what my schedule is going to be like next week. I don't know if I'll have time to return them.)

Stopped at Target on my home for flour and a few other things. To my embarrassment, I once again had no money. I left with nothing.

Cheered myself up at home with the last of the Christmas cookies. The Cherry-Coconut Bars are also from The Betty Crocker Cooky Book. They're basically lemon bars with a super-sweet cherry-coconut filling instead of a custard-y lemon filling. Even with spraying the bottom of the pan, they still crumbled when I tried to take them out, but not enough that I couldn't give at least some of them away.

Did Jack Frost while I worked. This oddity from Rankin-Bass has the title character falling in love with a human girl who claims she can only love Jack Frost. He gives up his supernatural powers to live among humans as a tailor. Not only does he end up having to defend the girl against the nasty Kubla Krouse, but she ends up falling for a handsome, more traditionally heroic knight. Jack gets Father Winter to restore his frost abilities in order to keep Krouse snowed in, but his efforts might melt away, if he can't make one certain groundhog see his shadow...

Worked on writing while the cookies were in the oven, and then as they cooled. Lady Gerda invites Leia and the guys into her home for some rest and lunch before the Queen arrives. Han and Chewie turn her down, but Leia and Luke are eager to see her beautiful stone manor and her conservatory filled with hothouse flowers.

Broke for dinner at quarter of 7. Had leftovers, then got the cookies into bags and tins as best I could, given the mess they made. I did manage to get them all put away and all of the bags tied and tagged. (The cheap wire flaps that were supposed to tie the dollar-store cookie bags down would never have held them until Christmas Day. I tied them with red curling ribbon and tie tags instead.)

Ran the first two episodes of the third season of Laverne & Shirley in honor of Penny Marshall, who passed away today. "Airport '59" has the duo taking over for the pilot when he's knocked out, even though neither of them have any idea of what they're doing and Laverne is terrified of flying. "Tag Team Wrestling" proves to be even more hazardous to their health when it turns out that the women they're going up against in an exhibition match for a charity drive are the very ones Laverne insulted earlier that day.

Finished the night with the classic holiday musical White Christmas. I go more into this beloved favorite at my Musical Dreams Movie Reviews blog.

White Christmas

Nobody Does It Like Me

I began a cloudy and cool day with more horror-themed cartoons. (Figured they were appropriate with the weather. "The Return of the Acme Acres Zone" is one of the strangest episodes Tiny Toon Adventures ever did. "Real Kids Don't Eat Broccoli" is a parody of Blade Runner, with detective Buster tracking down Babs' runaway droid. "Boo Ha Ha" has Hamton and Plucky on the run from a goofy ghost in a spooky haunted hotel. "Duck Dodgers Jr." marks the only appearance of Marvin the Martian and his protege Marsha on the show. Plucky is Daffy's eager young space cadet, who helps his idol figure out who is sucking up objects from the universe and turning them into blocks.

Headed out around 9:30. I had a lot that I wanted to do in a short time, starting with a quick run to the Collingswood Farm Market. They're down to their last two months, and as such, are starting to wind down. Several booths were missing and likely gone for the season, including the truck with the corn. On the upside, I saw Brussels sprouts for the first time this year and spinach and radishes for the first time since the spring.

Along with small apples and the sprouts, I thought I'd try something different. One of the booths was selling something called mini-Kiwis. They looked like tiny, green, fuzz-less versions of their larger counterparts. I like kiwi, but I rarely buy them, due to the fuzz and them being a pain to slice sometimes. I thought these might be a bit easier to eat.

Along with being the day of the Farm Market, today was also the day of the Collingswood Book Festival. This street fair is devoted to nothing but books and crafts related to books (along with the usual music and push cart food). There was a "teen territory" tent set up for discussions of young adult books and another devoted to poetry. A side street was marked off as a kids' area, with coloring tables and two circles where storytellers read Green Eggs and Ham to older children and The Very Hungry Caterpillar to toddlers.

I made my first and favorite find at a cart of old Collingswood Library books being given out for free in front of the kids' area. There were several Star Wars Expanded Universe novels among the freebies...including a collection of the first three books in the Jedi Prince series. They aren't very well-regarded by fans now (mainly because they don't match up with the later Legends stories), but I remember loving them when I was in my young teens.

My favorite part of the Book Festival are the used book sales on the end of Haddon Avenue, near the Philly Pretzel Company. This is where I usually make all my best finds. I eventually ended up with:

Original cast of the 1973 Broadway musical Seesaw on LP

Original 1983 novelization of Return of the Jedi, with all its pictures intact. (I've had it for almost 30 years. I read the Cape May Elementary library's copy so often around 1989-1990, the librarian gave it to me. It was already in bad shape then, with the pictures missing and half the book falling off the cracked and peeling spine. Needless to say, it's in even worse shape now.)

Dear America: One Eye Laughing, the Other Eye Weeping

Maple Sugar For Windy Foot - Apparently the third novel of a series of books from the 1940's and 50's about a farming family in New England. I'm not normally into horse stories, but my friend Linda Young has often mentioned them, and I thought the maple sugar gathering theme here seemed interesting. Linda has a page that can tell you more about it.

 Two slender dessert and cake/cookies cookbooks from the late 70's

The historical romance Swing Shift and the Oscar-winning musical The Great Ziegfeld on DVD (the latter to eventually review for my Musical Dreams blog).

(I also found the American Girl book Changes for Molly, but it turns out I already had it.)

Rushed home as soon as I finished with my purchases. I put everything away, ate yogurt and Cranberry Flummery, changed, and raced back out. I had work at noon. I made it right on the dot, in fact.

As it turned out, I spent the majority of the afternoon doing carts. I did gather trash inside and out and returned a few cold items early in the day, but there were other baggers around. I had no problems with this. For one thing, they needed to be done. I'd get them full, and fifteen minutes later, the side of the store would be half-empty again. We were crazy-busy for most of the day. Not only is it still the beginning of the month, but for most people, it's also a holiday weekend. The weather's not exactly conductive to doing much else, either. (Thankfully, it didn't do anything besides sprinkle a little.)

I was so worn out after work, I barely made it to Arby's to eat. I attempted to order a Turkey Club, but my debit card wouldn't go through. I could have sworn I had enough left for a meal! They ended up giving it to me for free. That was so sweet of them, but I'm still a little embarrassed. I don't like drawing attention to myself or not getting things I haven't earned or paid for.

Rushed home as soon as I could. Made chocolate cupcakes from a low-fat recipe I have in a Hershey baking book while watching Cats Don't Dance. I go into this underrated animated musical from 1997 further at my Musical Dreams Reviews blog.

Cats Don't Dance

Finished the night with The Princess and the Pirate, which was the next movie on the disc. Bob Hope plays the cowardly Sylvester the Great, a bad actor who travels around the Caribbean in the 1700s in the hopes of finding an audience that won't pelt him with fruit. He encounters the lovely Margaret (Virginia Mayo) on a boat going to the New World. The boat is attacked by the notorious pirate The Hook (Victor McLaghlan), who wants to ransom her. Sylvester poses as a female gypsy and, with the help of tattoo artist Featherstone (Walter Brennan), manages to escape with the beautiful young woman and a map leading to buried treasure.

They flee to a pirate's stronghold, where they cook up an act at a local tavern to make money. The act is popular, but it also attracts the attention of the corrupt governor La Roche (Walter Slezak). He kidnaps Margaret, and when Sylvester complains, grabs him, too. Featherstone shows up at this point, along with the Hook, who is league with La Roche. Margaret is a princess, who fled an arranged marriage to marry a commoner...and La Roche thinks it's Sylvester. Sylvester is going to have play the role of his life to save Margaret and make sure both their heads stay intact!

Wand'rin' Star

It was cloudy and a little damp when I rolled out of bed this morning. Lauren and I had enough time after I finished packing and ate breakfast to play a few last rounds of Rayman Legends. We got through the final bad guy of "Toad Story" and were heading to the next round when Lauren noticed it was getting late.

Lauren's parents joined us on our trip across upstate New York to Albany. It rained lightly and was a bit foggy when we left. By the time we were passing through small farming villages and past a highway littered with many Rite Aids and pizza parlors, the rain was long gone. Only clouds and a slightly humid and warm day remained as Lauren pulled in at the Albany-Renesselaer Station.

The Albany station is the smallest and most recent of the train stations Lauren and I pass through when we visit each other, having been built in 2002. It really is lovely, with lots of blond wood and dramatic vaulted ceilings. I just wish they'd finish the work on the road and parking lot. We had a harder time getting to the station and parking than we did once we got in. We sat and watched The Price Is Right in the small waiting area until it was time to depart.

On my way down the escalator, the bag of snacks I'd had tied to my other bags decided to split wide open! Someone was nice enough to recover my muffins, but I lost a peach and a granola bar. It was embarrassing, but I did still have other food. Thankfully, that was the worst thing that happened during the entire Albany-New York trip. The train wasn't anything resembling full, and I easily got a seat to myself. I whiled away the time coloring a picture of Han and Chewbacca from my Star Wars comics-based adult coloring book and admiring the gorgeous view of the old mansions, majestic mountains, and colorful towns along the Hudson River. I even saw a tugboat toting a barge along the lake.

Penn Station was very busy when I arrived, but it always is. I ducked into a small room filled with PNC Bank ATMs to get money, then bought a coconut-covered donut from Dunkin' Donut to get change for the subways later. I ate my treat in the main room, then used the bathroom (which for once didn't have a line), and walked around for a little while until the Keystone train was announced.

I should have gotten into the line sooner. The train to Philadelphia (which was actually going to Harrisburg) was full to capacity and beyond! It took me 15 minutes just to find a seat. Teary and frustrated, I eventually landed next to three younger women, all of whom spent the trip checking their cell phones or doing homework. One was even nice enough to chat a little bit with me. I told her I was going to Philly; she mentioned she was on her way to Lancaster.

I was in less of a hurry when I finally arrived at the 30th Street Station. After another bathroom break, I went down the hall to the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut booth. I wanted the Burrito Supreme combo, but the girl completely misheard me and gave me a burrito and a taco! Oh well. I was hungry enough by that point to eat both, anyway.

It took me another 10 minutes after dinner to figure out where the subway entrance was. I got it mixed up with the SEPTA Regional Rail. Turns out the entrance to the subway at the 30th Street Station is across the street. Even after I found it, the card I bought to get on just would not swipe, no matter how many directions I pulled it. The lady at the ticket booth finally just let me through.

At least the ride was a little easier. The SEPTA trains are just as plain as the buses, with hard blue seats that scream 70's. Unlike the overcrowded and annoying ride to and from the King of Prussia Mall, the train wasn't crowded and was on time. I was at 8th Street in less than five minutes.

I don't know how I messed up the PATCO. I was sweating bullets and nervous as heck when I bought my ticket. I shoved it in the wrong way until a security man helped me get through. The rest of the trip was far less troubled. Other than the train was a few minutes late - the only train today that was - there were no problems whatsoever. Dad and Jodie picked me up at the Collingswood station about five minutes after I got in.

I called the Acme while I was putting everything away. Sounds like I'll be going back to work at 9 AM on Sunday. I didn't really think I'd be working one day this week, especially since I normally get Saturdays off. After all the trouble I had today, I'm glad. It'll give me time to recover and restock my refrigerator.

How Can I Change My Luck?

I was so glad to be able to sleep in a bit this morning. After all the trouble I've had all week, I needed it. Started out the day with breakfast and the original Broadway cast of Half a Sixpence. Thought it was time to revisit this, with a very popular revival having just closed in the West End. Based after a novel by H.G Wells, this "local boy makes good" story has young Kipps (Tommy Steele) inheriting a fortune. He wants to climb the social ladder and marry a wealthy beauty, but he ultimately ends up with the girl (Marti Webb) who loved him all along. He loses his fortune, but though he does eventually regain it, he's also learned that money can't buy happiness or a girl who really cares about you.

Until last year, most people considered this unrevivable, due to its reliance on pop and stage star Steele's charisma (and skills with a banjo). However, it is a cute show, with some nice songs. I'm especially partial to Ann's lovely ballad "Long Ago." (There's a film version with Steele I may try to dig up somewhere along the line as well.) The revival that just closed was apparently a heavily revised version, with far more songs (and songs that didn't always feature Kipps). It was such a big hit, the limited run was apparently continued three times. This was also the last British musical imported to Broadway before Andrew Lloyd Webber's shows started to turn up in the mid-late 70's.

Cleaned the kitchen after breakfast. I really shouldn't have put off cleaning for so long. The sink in particular was really, really grungy, and the counter wasn't much better. I've just been putting more focus on the writing lately.

It was humid out, but the sun (with occasional clouds) remained. It was originally supposed to shower for most of today. I took advantage of the decent weather to hit the Oaklyn Library and test the borrowed bike. I pumped both tires...and the bike ran just fine, other than the seat was still a little high. I was even able to get my basket over the brake wires.

First stop was the Oaklyn Library, partially to return those DVDs. They were surprisingly busy for a school day with fairly decent weather. There were several people on the computers and a family with two small children who had toys scattered all over the kids' area. I concentrated on DVDs rather than trying to step over their playthings.

Wanted to hit WaWa for lunch next. Of course, I got to the counter with my roast beef hoagie and Crystal Pepsi soda before I realized I'd left my wallet in my lunch bag. It was so embarrassing, and the guy at the counter sounded so upset, I just walked out without anything.

Ate the last slice of French Bread Pizza and an apple for lunch, then hurried back out again. I desperately needed to get a huge load of laundry done, including towels and sheets. At least my luck held here. The laundromat was empty when I arrived at 2:30, other than two men who were putting in a new vent window at the back of the driers. Saw maybe two people who weren't construction workers the whole hour I was there. I worked on story notes while half-listening to Right This Minute and General Hospital.

Headed home and finally got everything put away, then worked on writing for a few hours. Chip and Arturro head into Jasper's exclusive lounge area, where they encounter Leia. She was originally going to be a tough female bounty hunter, but I think I'll re-write her into posing as a showgirl, which makes more sense.

Made that pasta and turkey meatballs I mentioned yesterday for dinner, along with green beans and tomatoes. It was too hot to bake, though. I opted for bread and butter instead of garlic bread.

Listened to my double CD cast album for two antique musicals while I ate. Leave It to Jane from 1917 is the great-grandparent of every musical that involves academia. The tale of a "college widow" who convinces a student from their rival school to join their football team, this was one of the biggest early hits for songwriter Jerome Kern. Oh Kay! is a Gershwin hit from 1926, about rum runners who take over a Long Island mansion. The sister of one of them falls for the mansion's playboy owner. Hits from this one include "Someone to Watch Over Me," "Clap Yo' Hands," and "Do, Do, Do." Both of these come from hit off-Broadway revivals in the early sixties. As such, they lack the orchestration that Kay's studio version has...but it's also a chance to hear some rare material, including new lyrics added to Kay by PG Wodehouse, the show's original book author.

Miss Redmer and the No Good, Terrible, Awful Day

It couldn't have been a nicer day when I finally emerged this morning after finishing Princess of the Midnight Ball. Ran The First Easter Rabbit as I ate breakfast and got organized. The second of three Rankin-Bass Easter specials (and the only one done in 2-D animation) is basically a cross between Frosty the Snowman and The Velveteen Rabbit. Stuffy was once Glinda's favorite toy, until she came down with scarlet fever and he was tossed out to be burned. A kind fairy rescued him from the fire and turned him into a real rabbit. He's now the Easter Bunny, spring symbol to kids everywhere...if he can get past Zero, who wants to keep winter going!

Headed out to get my laundry done around quarter after 11...then went right back. I'd forgotten my money. Thankfully, when I did finally get my laundry in a washer, I had no trouble. I saw maybe three people the entire hour. Good thing, because I had a fair-sized load, including towels and the bath mat. I worked on story ideas and ignored soap operas.

There was a message on my phone when I got home. It was the Acme. Could I come in from 4 to 8:30? One of the late-shift teen cashiers called out. I didn't want to. I hate cashiering. I panic...and they know it. They told me to think it over. I put the laundry away...then called them back and said I'd do it. It doesn't matter what I want. What I want is irreverent. What matters is what my wallet wants. I need money.

I decided to try to write and eat tomato rotini soup for lunch while I did so. That was a big mistake. I knocked the bowl over, spilling soup all over the carpet and all over me. And of course, I just did the damn laundry. (Thankfully, the bowl was nowhere near my laptop when it happened.) By the time I finished sopping up the mess, I was no longer in the mood for writing. I looked over Pinterest and shut down.

Tried to cheer myself up by baking Chocolate Chip Muffins for lunch. Ran two Three Stooges mystery-themed shorts as I worked. The boys are asking "Who Done It?" when a wealthy man goes missing. His niece first tries to poison them...but Shemp is the only one who gets knocked out. When Shemp awakens, they have to avoid the crazy goon the kidnappers send after them.

A kidnapping is also at the heart of "Dopey Dicks." This time, it's the beautiful blond who vanishes after she shows up in a detective's office, claiming she's being followed. The Stooges aren't detectives, but they opt to help her anyway. They seriously regret it when they discover a pair of mad scientists first want her brain for their mechanical man...then theirs.

After all that fuss, work wasn't that big of a deal. It was steady when I came in. Once rush hour ended, so did our customers. I spent a lot of that last hour and a half standing around, working on story ideas. The manager had no cause to worry about survey scores going down because I got upset (which he kept rambling about when I talked to him on the phone earlier). If anything, the customers were far more supportive and understanding than the managers.

Springtime Lows

I headed to work this morning in a sunny, slightly humid morning. Work was on-and-off busy. I had a few problems with people early on, especially a family who fussed over everything from bagging to the price of soda. Everyone must have gotten out of work early for the weekend; by the time of the usual 4 to 6 rush hour, it was starting to slow down. Thankfully my relief, one of the college girls, was on time.

My schedule is the best I've had in weeks. Plenty of hours without being overwhelming, nothing earlier than noon or later than 7, Monday and Tuesday off. Needless to say, I'll be spending most of my week either doing my usual errands and volunteering or at home. I'm still worn out from the last two weeks, and as I discovered a bit later, I don't have much money left.

I didn't realize how little money I had left until I did my grocery shopping. I didn't even need much. I restocked sugar, chocolate chips, laundry detergent (the Acme's generic brand was $1.99 for the smallest bottle), and tuna. I didn't really need cereal or peanut butter, but the Quaker brands were $1.99 (went with Cinnamon Life) and Skippy Peanut Butter was $2.00. The chicken sausages I bought two weeks ago were back on the same sale and with the same manager's coupons. I got two packs of the pesto-flavored this time. While the chicken sale wasn't that great, I did find a pack of chicken breasts that seemed somewhat reasonable.

Unfortunately, when I got up to the register, I couldn't take money out. I couldn't pay with my card, and I had three dollars on me. I was so horribly embarrassed. I held up the line. I don't like holding up people, even if they say they're not in a hurry. That isn't fair to them. I had to borrow a few dollars from the cashier, which also embarrassed me. She was ok about it, but I felt horribly guilty. I shouldn't have spent so much on vacation.

I still felt horrible when I got home. I immediately checked my bank account. I feel like such an idiot. I overspent the last few days, and my rent check went through quicker than I thought it would. I ws very overdrawn My paycheck hadn't gone through. (It since has.) I don't even have much money in savings. I wish I was smarter with money. Every time I think I'm doing better with it, something like this happens.

I tried to cheer myself up with Scooby Doo episodes and chicken sausages with pan-fried onions and leftover zucchini for dinner. Scooby becomes a "Decoy For a Dognapper" when prize dogs start going missing. They use Scooby as a decoy to catch the thief. This may be the first episode where the case is a little personal for the kids - after all, they do own a dog who is their beloved companion. They're wondering "What the Hex Is Going On?" when they visit a friend at her family's mansion and discovers that her uncle has aged into an old man overnight, and then their friend goes missing. "Never Ape an Ape Man" takes us to a Hollywood movie set. The kids help Daphne's uncle find out why a legendary Ape Man has been wrecking havoc on his set.

Spent the rest of the night in the bath. I really, really needed it after what happened earlier. I'm glad I was able to take two long baths in a row.

Letting Go Of Perfect

Today was my early work day. It was so nice today, I wish I'd worked later. It was too nice to be in work for most of the morning and afternoon. Our customers realized this, too. It was only busy during the rush hours. I did pick up a bit later, but was never overwhelming. There were no major problems, and my relief was on time.

I went straight to America's Best after work, dodging the constant traffic in the shopping center behind the Acme. I've put off ordering my contacts because I either don't have the time or don't want to deal with the traffic in the back of the mall or both. I really couldn't put it off anymore. My last pair is down to their second week.

I was shocked when my debit card just would not go through. I could have sworn I had enough money in my account! I called PNC...and sure enough, no, I did not. I couldn't believe it. I thought I learned my lesson about being a spendthrift last year. I did have money in my savings account. I had to tell them I'd come back tomorrow or next week. Even though they said it happens all the time, I was still mortified. I should know better by now than to spend all my money.

I checked PNC as soon as I got home. Andrew had cashed my rent check a few days ago, which I did not expect. It usually takes him anywhere from five days to two weeks to cash my rent check. I was hoping he'd wait until I got my next paycheck, which will be tomorrow. And then, I bought things at CVS and online. I'm so wasteful. I have to stop buying things I don't need again and restrict myself to buying only what is necessary until I can build up my checking account again. (At least I still have money in savings. At this time last year, I was taking money out of savings to pay my rent.)

One thing I definitely needed was a bath. I went right into a long one as soon as I finished on PNC's website. I soaked my sore legs and feet for over an hour and a half while reading The Gifts of Imperfection. I really kind of fear imperfection. It's hard to open my soul to that kind of hurt and vulnerability. I feel like every time I have, my soul has just gotten trampled on. I wish I knew a way to do "meaningful work" and make money and open my heart without it being criticized and scolded for not being better and trying harder.

Bad Day Rising

Arrgh! I had a very frustrating day, starting with sleeping late. I got so caught up reading Princess Academy and writing in my journal, it was almost 11 before I started breakfast, and nearly 1 before I made it to the laundromat...and I had to work at 3! Good thing the laundromat was quiet. There were only a few people there besides me and The Days of Our Lives on TV. And of course, when I got outside, I discovered that the wind had blown down my bike, despite it being chained to a pole. I had to set it up and push the basket back on the handlebars.

When I got in, I ran Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase, which I'd started earlier, while folding the laundry. A friend of Daphne's is a student in a science lab where he, a friend, and their professor have created a game revolving around Mystery Inc's adventures. Right before the kids' arrive, the computer that runs the game somehow unleashes a virus into the real world...a virus that can suck the information out of any technology. It also knows how to manipulate the game...and how to zap the kids and Scooby into the thick of the system! The kids find themselves fighting through all ten levels - and meeting what amounts to their original late 60s selves - in order to escape and find out who's behind the virus.

Definitely one of the more interesting earlier Scooby movies. This one goes into not only the changes in technology between 1969 and the 2000s, but the changes in the perception of the kids, too...except for Shaggy and Scooby, who remain hungry slackers in any decade.

I had to gulp down my lunch and throw together something for dinner. I quickly changed out of my clothes and into my work uniform...but I realized just as I locked the door to my apartment that I forgot to put the keys back in after I switched pants! I barely made it to work on time. I called Dad during my break to get my landlord Andrew's number (I forgot to put it on my cell phone), then called Andrew. He said he'd look for the key in the front apartment, then walk up to my place with me to make sure he had the right one.

Thank heavens work went perfectly fine after I got there. It was steady for most of the night, with no really huge problems. I was in and out.

I did meet Andrew in the front of the house. Yes, he did get me into my place, and yes, my keys were on my dresser, where I probably threw them this afternoon. He said he'd make me a spare set of keys to hide downstairs somewhere, since he and his wife and Dad and Jodie aren't always at home.

In the Wrong Place on the Shelf

I spent most of a gorgeous, sunny President's Day at work. Work was off-and-on busy until the usual 4PM-6PM rush hour, when people who normally would have been working came in with huge orders. We had long lines and not nearly enough help. A lot of employees wouldn't work on a holiday.

The lack of help wasn't the only problem. The store is in the midst of remodeling the men's bathroom. Trouble is, they have to keep it locked while it's being done. That means everyone, male and female, had to use the women's bathroom. The Acme dealt with this by putting a lock on the bathroom door. A sign on the door said that people  had to lock the door while they were in the bathroom. Around mid-day, they started assigning people to stand next to the bathroom door to make sure no one of the opposite sex went in.

Yes, I was one of the people who got stuck doing this. I spent a boring, embarrassing hour and a half standing around, staring at the clearance racks that looked like a disaster area and trying to avoid being seen. No one really paid attention to the sign, and everyone I talked to, employee and customer alike, though the whole thing was just plain silly. There are four stalls in the women's bathroom, and they do lock. Thank heavens I was finally able to go on my half-hour break. When I came back, they'd assigned a bagger to guard duty, and he stayed there the rest of the evening.

Thank goodness it slowed down enough that I was able to leave with no relief by 7:30. I was tired and ready to tear out my hair. I'm not used to working 8 1/2 hours.

Frustrated Balance

I'd just finished getting dressed when the phone rang. Yup, it was the Acme. Could I come in at 11:30? Someone called out. No. I feel bad, but I really did want to get in yoga class and volunteering at the Collingswood Library. I told them I'd go in at 1:30. That would give me enough time to get home and eat and still have extra hours.

Yoga class was tough today. The emphasis was on hip and knee work. First of all, my knees get sore when they're pushed too hard. Second, I'm still not very flexible. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not grab both of my legs for bow at all. I felt so embarrassed, even though I knew no one was watching. This wasn't helped by a busy class, 13 including the teacher Karin.

I went straight to the library after class. I did exactly what I did last week, which was organize the DVDs. It was about all I had time for, anyway. Once again, they needed it. The kids' DVDs really get out of order.

Went home after that and had lunch. Alas, lunch (fish tacos and a banana) took me longer than I thought it would, and I was late leaving...not helped by accidentally dropping the cookie tin when I moved it to get to my granola bars! The cookies were ok, but crumbs spilled everywhere. I wasn't even able to clean it up until I got home.

After all that, work turned out to be a little busier than yesterday, but still not crazy. There were no really major problems other than the lack of help - I wasn't the only person called in today.

Shades of Gray

Work was absolutely horrible today, and I was absolutely horrible at it. Nothing I did seemed to go right. People were cranky and upset, and I was cranky and upset. The lines remained long. Not only is it still the beginning of the month, but we're not out of the woods with the snow, either. We're supposed to be getting more - a lot more - starting Friday night.

I tend to be more frustrated with myself when I'm already tired and upset to begin with. Everyone says "don't be so hard on yourself!" It's just that when it happens, I don't see it as being hard on myself. If I was as smart as everyone says, would I have forgotten the stickers, bagged the wrong way, said the wrong thing, or given out the wrong change? Of course not.

There's something wrong with me. There has to be something wrong with me. If there wasn't anything wrong with me, why would I get so upset? I'd have more patience with myself if I'd just do normal things and not get upset around people.

The managers weren't happy, either. One called me mid-way through the day and gently asked me if there was anything the matter, because I seemed a bit slow. I told her about my toe. I thought that was the end of it, and I sped up as best I could after that. It wasn't. I was called into the manager's office after work.

Yes, they said all the usual things - "don't be negative around the customers." (But what if it's true, and I shouldn't have done all those dumb things?) "Don't be hard on yourself." (It didn't seem like I was being hard on myself at the time.) The one manager was frustrated because she thought I'd told people she was angry at me for getting me to speed up. (Actually, I thought it was another manager who had called me - I thought the other one was on the register at the time.) And I got told AGAIN to not ask people if they want the stickers for the free pots and pans and just give them to them. (But what if they don't WANT those stickers? I'm not doing that promotion, either. Not everyone needs more pots and pans.)

I held off until I got on the Black Horse Pike to cry. I cried all the way home after that, and then cried for another half-hour on the floor of my living room when I did get home. I wish I could have talked to someone, but there was no one at home to talk to. Everyone I knew was either at work themselves, or didn't want to hear about my work problems anymore. After all, I have a job. How can anyone who is working and has a job and is making money when the economy is so horrible have any problems?

My stomach is still in knots, I feel so horrible. I feel like a total idiot. Why can't I do anything right? What's wrong with me? Why do I fly off the handle like this? If I'm so smart, why do I do such dumb things?

Takes Two to Balance

Started off a very cold and windy but sunny morning with this week's yoga class. There were 11 people, counting me and the teacher Karin, a fairly large number for the Thursday class and the time of year. Since it was so cold, we concentrated on standing poses, back bends, and "heart warmers" that would get our blood pumping.

At one point, we partnered off with the person next to us while they kept us steady as we tried to bend over and touch the wall behind us. I was just barely able to touch the wall, but I could go no further. My partner was more impressive. She could go most of the way down the wall, and that with mild scoliosis!

I made a quick run to the thrift shop after class to say "hi" to my friend Erica and drop off a small bag of donations. Went a few blocks down the street next to the Collingswood Library for this week's volunteer session there. The upstairs librarian wanted to make room for new non-fiction books, so she had me shift books up two shelves. I got most of the shelves done, despite not being able to resist taking a look at some of them. I was working on the 790s and 80s, which is the games, sports, and entertainment books, some of my favorite topics. It was hard not to peek.

Had no other traveling plans for the rest of the day and it was still awfully cold, so I headed home after I was done in the library. I swept the sticker balls off the porch, then had a peanut butter and apple butter sandwich for lunch.

Spent the rest of the evening watching The House Without a Christmas Tree and The Bishop's Wife and working on the Molasses Roll-Outs, also known in The Betty Crocker Cooky Book as Merry Christmas Molasses Cookies. Like sugar cookies, they're rolled and then cut into shapes. Unlike sugar cookies, they're darker, less sweet, and mildly spicy, like gingerbread. They're something different for my cookie gifts, and everyone does sugar cookies. Some of the bottoms got a little burnt after I ran out of parchment paper, but they otherwise came out fine.

I was just starting the Molasses Roll-Outs when I got a rare week-day call from my brother and mother. Mom had just received a package in the mail...from me! I hadn't sent her anything! Turns out I hadn't gotten one old label off the box I'd used to send Lauren's package to Massachusetts, and the post office got confused. Mom said she'd send it tomorrow, and Lauren actually thought it was funny, but I was and still am embarrassed. I really wanted Lauren to get her gifts as soon as possible, and I feel so stupid when I do things like that. Everyone says I'm so smart, and a smart person would know to check the labels correctly.

They Can Drive A Person Crazy

I'm going insane. And I'm going to apologize straight off for the tone of this post.

This has been such a lousy day. First of all, I got called in this morning...which wouldn't have been so bad, but I wanted to make it to Yogawood. Needless to say, I never did, which means I didn't get my yoga class in this week, for the first time since Christmas week.

Getting my bike fixed didn't go so well, either. I ran it over to Dad's. He was cleaning the pool when I came over and said he had a thousand things to do. He did change the tire on the bike...but when I tried to take it to work, the chain slipped off. Three times. Each time, I got more and more upset. I was able to do it myself the first time. A police officer and a construction worker who were fixing the gas and water pipes on Kendall Boulevard helped me the second time. A Kendall resident helped out the third time. I cried and carried on and behaved like a spoiled child. I'm so embarrassed. And what's worse, I was late to work.

Work was busy all day. I did get out of the register for about 20 minutes mid-way through the day, though. Two new cashiers were training up front, and I got to help one of them. (She did very well, too, only forgetting a few produce codes.)

Towards the end of the day, I got a large family who was buying a huge order. (From all the cleaning supplies and brooms, I wonder if they had just returned from a long vacation or moved into a new house?) They twice tried to pay by check, but the company that handles our check cashing system rejected both checks. They'd already taken their order outside by then...but they hadn't paid for it. The managers had to chase after them. I had a very long line and I felt horrible, even though the checks not going through wasn't my fault. I felt bad about letting them go, and I hate holding up the line. I hate it, even when people say they don't have a problem with waiting. I finally got one of the managers to cancel their order. (One of the managers told me later that they did finally pay by credit card.)

At least I got a free dinner. The head front end manager bought the two new recruits (who did pass their cashier test) and another manager pizza from a restaurant a few blocks down on the Black Horse Pike. They were nice enough to let me have a few slices while I was on my break...which meant I didn't have to run to Tu Se Bella's and buy my own slices after work. ;)

Speaking of "after work," I found a lot of great sales today (making up for not being able to go to the farm market this week). Dannon Light Yogurt cups were 50 cents each. I picked up a box of Whole Fruit Frozen Fruit Bars for $1.50 with the sale and a coupon. Cherries were a $1.29 a pound, plums 99 cents a pound. (Only this weekend, though.) Smart Balance Butter Blend was $2.50.

It had been sunny, hot, and humid since this morning, but clouds were gathering as I left work. I was passing by some neighbors who are friends of Dad and Uncle Ken's when my chain came off...again. The dad and two older sons were nice enough to help fix the chain and tighten the wheel. I was able to chat with the mother and her adorable baby girl (named Emma Rosemary), who was having her own problems. She'd just started a second job she hates - it doesn't leave her enough time for her Emma.

And my schedule next week is frustrating. While it's nice to have 31 hours, every day but Wednesday is 12 to 4, 5, or 6PM. Wednesday is 3 to 8. I only needed to skim the schedule to know what was going on. Half the store decided that they wanted to take their vacations this week. Why can't they be more organized about vacations? This happens every April, too. Everyone always wants to go away at the same time, which doesn't leave much help at home. We should do it like Lauren's bank does and everyone signs up for certain weeks, so they know in advance who can go when.

I'm just so frustrated. So few people understand. I tell them I hate the Acme job, and they say "Why? It's a JOB." But...I hate it. It's driving me crazy and making me miserable. I want a good, solid job where I actually feel like I'm making a difference. I want a regular schedule, not 23 hours this week...maybe, if they don't need me...and 31 hours next week. I want to be able to plan things like laundry, library volunteering, and yoga classes for certain days, instead of praying I might have the time for them, or tentatively posting these things and then having to tell people I can't make it because oops, the Acme called in and needs me.

I'm never going to get out. No one wants to hire a baby who always gets upset over everything. I have a headache and my stomach is in knots. I wish I knew what to do now. I need to find an interim job while I figure out how I'm going to afford college, but who's going to hire me for $11.80 an hour? Doesn't anyone in the South Jersey/Philadelphia area need a writer, an editor, or even someone to organize their DVD and book collection? Isn't anything ever going to go right?

Just Plain Bad

I generally did not have a good day. First of all, I was up really, really late, around 11. I hate getting up that late. It really throws off my internal clock. I was up so late, I called Mom before I had breakfast/brunch/lunch so she wouldn't worry.

I ended up having a LONG talk with Mom. Yes, I'm frustrated with my job. I hate my job...but it provides money. And yes, I KNOW the economy is bad, so could everyone please stop using that as an excuse?

Just let me vent for a moment. I'm scared. I'm paralyzed with fear. Mom says I should take risks. How? Every time I take a risk, it never pans out. I expected to get a real job within six months to a year of moving here. I expected to get a real job within six months to a year of getting out of college. I spent over a year putting in applications to book stores and FYE. I talked to radio stations and newspapers in Cape May and Atlantic Counties, applied to casino offices and real estate offices, and talked to every employment agency in the Lower Township/Wildwood area, including Unemployment. Nothing worked. Nothing happened. Nothing changed.

Same old story. Nobody wanted me. I have experience in retail. What did the bookstores want? Someone to work the cafes. I have experience as a secretary. What did the real estate offices want? Their best friends to work for them. I wrote newspaper articles in college. What did the newspapers want? Someone who could travel. God only knows what the casinos wanted. I don't exactly look like a Rockette. They probably wanted someone cute that the gamblers could look at.

Everyone wonders why I'm afraid? How can I talk to anyone? Every time I try, I never know what to say. I look more foolish than Max! I just get upset and make myself look like an idiot. I can't talk without embarrassing myself. It's easier to just get upset because that's what I've always done. It's easier to do what you've always done, especially when you're scared. When you're scared, instinct takes over.

Of course I get upset when I make a mistake. I shouldn't have made that mistake. The words just come out, even though I know they shouldn't. How can you stop putting yourself down when it's second nature...and when at the time, you think it's true? If you're so smart and so wonderful, why can't you stop things from going wrong?

Even when I know things are going wrong, I can't bring myself to change them. I'd rather they just went away and/or changed themselves. I've spent a lot of my life being told that I should ignore things, and they'd just go away. I'm too scared. I don't want to confront anything. What if things go wrong? What if I get hurt? What if I ruin everything?

The back wheel on the cruiser bike has been bent for a while now. The spokes are bent and loose. I have half the neighborhood searching for a back tire for that bike, but people just aren't getting rid of cruiser bikes like they used to. I tried to ride to work on it, but it was rubbing too hard against the frame. I ended up walking it and being twelve minutes late. I didn't get in trouble, but for me, losing money is punishment enough without anyone at work saying anything. Two dollars means two dollars less on my paycheck at the end of the week. It means two dollars less in the bank. Two dollars less to pay the rent and bills with. It was too dead for me to even make up the time later.

The mountain bike has a flat tire and still needs the brakes replaced. I want to take the good inner tube off the cruiser until I can order a wheel for it online, since I can't seem to find one anywhere else, but my neighbor can't do it until Tuesday. I got so upset! I angrily kicked the wheel, trying to bend it back into shape...and behaving stupidly and immaturely around people who have been very nice to me.

How do you eliminate fear? How do you tell yourself to get a move on and stop acting like a stupid, spoiled-rotten, immature little idiot? If I were a real human being, I'd have a normal job and a normal group of friends, like every other 30 year old who went to college and has a career. I feel so horrible. (And the fact that I got...that time of the month...yesterday and it's way too early isn't helping.)

On one hand, I want to change...but how do you change when you're scared? What if I lose things? What if I can't talk to Lauren anymore, or don't have the time for bike rides in the park, or can't just go where I want to? If I meet new people, doesn't that mean I won't have time for old people? When you get new friends, there's no time for the old friends. That's how I've lost friends before. When people meet someone more interesting than me, they suddenly don't have time for me anymore.

Most of the time, I feel like there's no one who understands me. You can't tell people your problems when you're unique. No one else lives alone, with just stuffed animals. No one else would rather spend quiet time baking or reading, or has the time during the week to go on long biking or shopping trips to the middle of nowhere. Everyone would rather take the car and hurry, hurry, hurry!

I'm angry and tired and frustrated and my stomach hurts. I know I sound like a whiny, spoiled brat, but there's few other places I can complain to. I wish I had someone to come home to who could talk to me and hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok, because they know just what to do in every situation.

When do you stop hurting? When do you stop being afraid?

Off Schedule

Not a whole lot happened today...other than a made a little mistake with the schedule. I thought I was supposed to go in at 1:30, but it turned out to be 1. I was late and I lost money. My co-workers were really more worried than upset, since I'm seldom late, but I was...and am...a little embarrassed. I could have sworn the schedule in the back room said 1:30! I couldn't even make up the extra half-hour. We were steady but not busy enough to need the help.

Other than that, I spent the day watching more Get Smart, mucking around online, and calling Mom. She was fine. My brother was still in bed, having spent most of the weekend with Anny and her kids, and Dad was out fishing, which meant Mom was having some rare quiet time to herself.

All In The Family

It was an absolutely gorgeous day today, sunny, blue skies, warm but not hot or humid, and still a little windy but not crazy. I began my only day off this week with a laundry run. Uncle Ken had visitors when I arrived. Uncle Ken's daughter Samantha brought over some donations for Jessa's school, and also brought over her 2-year-old daughter Faith to see her grandpa. Faith was totally adorable. She's getting so big now. She knows her numbers (at least up to 4 - she recognized the 4 under the front door), she can jump and run, she's talking very well for her age, and she loves climbing into chairs and hugging her mommy. She loved the flowers Dad gave her, too.

Uncle Ken treated all of the adults to Italian hoagies from Doria's Deli. Mine was delicious! I really should get hoagies from them more often. Faith had a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich on a potato roll, but she didn't eat much of it. (Two-year-olds don't like it when their routines are out-of-order.) I left shortly after they did. (I didn't have much laundry today.)

After I put my laundry away, I headed over to the Haddon Township Library for this week's volunteering session. I did the DVDs again. I was able to do them in peace this time. I got there right as most schools were letting out...and it was really too gorgeous of a day to hang out in a library. After I finished, I made a quick stop at Super Fresh for conditioner, then went for a long bike ride in Newton River Park.

As I rode past the CVS on my way home, I felt something sticky hit the back of my legs. I definitely smelled ketchup. I still haven't figured out how my leg, sock, shoe, and shorts got ketchup on them. One of the workers from the car wash or the auto showroom must have had a messy hamburger for lunch, or someone from the sports bar on the next block was toting a lunch home that got away from them. Thankfully, I had planned on making a quick stop at Uncle Ken's again anyway to pick up the pan that had the rest of my pineapple cake from Memorial Day. I was able to clean up there.

I took a lovely walk after dinner. It was too beautiful of a day to be inside. The leaves on the trees are big and green now, and the rose bushes are in full bloom. I wasn't the only one out and about, either. I saw many families walking dogs or playing in their yards. Kids walked or rode bikes with friends, or went for a treat at Leo's Yum Yums on West Clinton Avenue. I could hear what sounded like a softball game as I passed the Oaklyn Elementary School.

I just finished a chat with Lauren. We discussed our upcoming stories and our September vacation. We'll hopefully be starting the next story this Tuesday. Her brother is visiting June 23rd, and we'll need to get it done before then.