The First Place You Need To Search Is Inside Yourself

I know Lauren's right.

I wish I knew what I wanted. I thought I wanted to write. That's all I've been told since childhood - you're gonna be a writer. You're a good writer. You should be a writer. They never said "you should be a carpenter" or "you should be a doctor." They said "you should be a writer."

Trouble is, I don't know what I want to do with that.

I'm scared to death I'll get lost in some fancy Fortune 500 company that would take one look at someone like me and laugh their heads off. Even my customers don't take me seriously. Everyone laughs when I tell them I want a real job.

I want to find a way to be creative and still have a regular, paying job. Aren't there any jobs that require you to be creative while providing you with a nice, simple 9-to-5 workday and a nice, normal, regular paycheck? Can't I do what I like and still have normal hours and not have to troop all the way over to the Philadelphia suburbs to do it?

I did a lot of thinking during my swim at my uncle's today while my laundry was in the drier. I know I have to move on, but it's so HARD. I want out of the Acme, preferably now, but how can I get out if I don't even know what I want? If I can't write, what is there for me?

I never thought of being a businesswoman. Business always seems so boring. My older friend Linda Young is always complaining about her boring job behind a desk in some shipping business.

Hospitals and medical work is out. They make me so nervous, and I know nothing whatsoever about medicine or hospitals.

I wish I knew what I COULD do. What does a writer do when she can't write?