Thursday, April 21, 2022

What I Am

Started off with breakfast and a decent ride to work. While it continues to be windy, it's also not nearly as cold. In fact, other than some cloud cover,, it felt like a perfectly normal lower-60's spring day in Southern New Jersey. It was also a quiet day. With many people on vacation and the stores on West Clinton dark, I had no trouble getting to work.

No trouble when I got to work, either. We were dead almost the entire day through the last hour. I spent it organizing the soda coolers and trying to shove the heavy plastic bags we had instead of our regular ones onto the bag hangers. Unfortunately, it picked up enough by 3 PM for me to have to wait for a relief. 

Took the long way home down Nicholson Road. There was only traffic around the entrance to the shopping center and the Hispanic church. Everywhere else was as quiet as the Acme. It really is getting nice out there, with the lime green leaves on the trees and stunning flowers everywhere. 

Changed, had a snack, and watched Tattletales when I came in. It's still Claire and Scoey Mitchill, Bill and Pat Dailey, and British soap stars Dana Valancy and Tim Saunders. Although everyone did pretty well, Dana and Tim got the last question to theirselves, which put them over the top in money for the audience.

Had a phone appointment with my neuropsychologist Dr. Sarah Gullick and her boss at 4. Verdit: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with a touch of depression. She says I'm very intelligent in many areas, including spelling, language, and story comprehension. In addition to math, I have trouble focusing or putting my full attention on something. That's why it takes me hours to write a single entry in my blogs. I'm too tired to focus, or too easily distracted. I have the same problem with writing my fanfiction. I try to focus and push myself, but I end up writing a few sentences before getting distracted by something else online.
I also don't do well when I'm timed or have to rush. It's probably why the Acme drives me crazy. I have to rush, or try please everyone at once, and I just...can't. My mind doesn't work that way. And yes, as Rose frequently complained during the search for an apartment, I'm not good at problem-solving. 

She finally recommended me to the state Office of Vocational Rehabilitation to get help pushing through all the barriers in my mind with finding a job. We both agreed I do not belong in retail of any stripe. I need a job that moves a lot more slowly and requires fewer snap decisions. I have some ideas, but...every time I try to look for a job, I end up doing nothing, either because I don't have the experience for a better job, or the money, or my idea peters out. I need more support than even my friends and neighbors can give me. 

Tried to focus on writing after I got off with the doctor. Brett doesn't think it's a good idea for Richard to follow his men, but he does it anyway. The guards they're with march into the throne room. Richard insists on joining their formation to sneak in...but they're not as stealthy as he thinks they are...

Broke to take out the recycling and make scallops with apple vinegar sauce and leftover vegetables at 6:30. Watched Match Game '77 while I ate. Marcia Wallace accidentally gets marker on bare shoulders...which somehow turns into Gene and Richard using her arm for tic tac toe. 

Quickly did the dishes, then arranged the larger closet, at least as well as I could, while Match Game PM was on. Lee Merriweather had to be a bit embarrassed she didn't think of the top answer to "Buddy __." Buddy Ebsen was her co-star at the time on the long-running mystery series Barnaby Jones, and they stayed good friends even after it ended. A bored Richard did even worse with "__ of the Game" on the Head-to-Head.

Finished out the night after a shower  with Damn Yankees, which is currently free on Amazon Prime. I go further into this 1958 baseball Faust story at my Musical Dreams Movie Reviews blog.

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