Happiness Is a Warm Day

I awoke late to another sunny, clear day. It was much hotter than it has been, in the 90s, but still not humid at all. There was such a nice breeze, I left the air conditioner off.

I've been feeling really down lately. Everything was working so well in the late spring and early summer, but none of my ideas seem to have panned out. I don't have the money to join a gym. I can't find any local walking or biking clubs for adults. Oaklyn had lots of pamphlets and fliers for local kids' sports teams, but nothing for adult exercise classes or community sports events. Collingswood's few adult fitness events were mostly geared for seniors.

This is especially disappointing coming from Cape May County. Every Cape May County town has a recreational center, and they all have inexpensive sports and fitness classes for children and adults. Few of the towns here do anything like that. Why emphasize the children and neglect their parents, not to mention single adults and college students?

I haven't been losing weight, either. I'm still stuck fast at 202. I want so badly to drop at least 50 pounds and be a more normal and healthy weight for my body size, but I just can't seem to do it. It came off so easily when I started working out in 2007, but now it won't come off at all.

I don't have Rose's support this time, either. She's so busy with her new baby! Everyone else I know here either lives too far away, works when I'm at home, are too old for strenuous workouts, or just aren't interested.

I had to talk to someone to cheer me up, so I made my weekly call to Mom before I even had breakfast. We talked for almost an hour. She suggested Weight Watchers or similar groups. I couldn't bring myself to do it a few years ago, when I first joined Weight Watchers Online. I had Rose backing me up then, and I still felt weird about groups.

I still feel weird about groups, but I'm going to at least give it a go now. I can't think of anything else I can do. I don't know how else to really meet people like me. I feel so isolated all the time. Mom says it's normal. Ok, if it's so normal, why don't I ever see anyone else who is always alone like me? Everyone else I know lives with at least one other family member or friend.

And I just don't have the money for gyms or anything that costs a lot right now. I wish I knew more single people like me who lived alone and wanted to work out, or hang out, or talk, or get together. I'm just not like anyone else. It's hard to make friends when you're not like anyone else.

We talked so long, Brunch With the Beatles got half-way through The White Album before I even realized it, and I hadn't even had breakfast yet! I finally got off with Mom around 11:30, then had Peanut Butter and Apple Butter Buckwheat Pancakes with maple syrup for brunch/early lunch.

Work was long, off-and-on busy, and a pain in the neck. There were lots of obnoxious beginning-of-the-month people with all their usual hang-ups, and all those annoying ladies who give 500 orders on how to bag but either won't help themselves or rearrange everything you did anyway. The fact that I was tired didn't help much. Thank goodness my relief was right on time, and I had no trouble getting in or out.

I had salmon with roasted peppers and dandelion greens salad for dinner, then listened to The Dress Circle. Coming full-circle from when I started listening to it regularly last year, the theme was once again "Back to School Songs." In addition to the songs they play every year, we also heard numbers from the very-short-lived Broadway flop 13 (it only lasted one performance) and the stage version of Fame, along with charming number about a girl's involvement in her school's version of Bye Bye Birdie taken from a compliation CD, "Joshua Novack."