There is a place I call Someday.
In Someday, I'll fit in. I'll be pretty and attractive. I'll never, ever have a problem finding a place where I belong. Everyone will want to be around me.
I'll never, ever panic or get upset. I'll be perfectly calm and in control when I get to Someday. I'll be a real, intelligent, elegant, poised woman, not an awkward child in a woman's body.
Men will want me in Someday. They'll want me, and they'll want my friends. I'll have a real family of my very own, with my own little girl and my own husband who will never leave me.
I'll always eat the right things, and I'll always be healthy and the right size, never too fat or thin. I'll be what I should be in Someday.
I'll have my very own house and my very own pets and a real job that normal 28-year-old college graduates have in Someday.
There will be no fear of talking to people in Someday, nor will they think I'm odd, eccentric, or strange. I'll always know everybody.
I'll never have trouble finding a job in Someday. With all the people I know, I'd just have to go to one of them, and their friends', and their friends' friends, and I'll have a real job in no time.
I'll never do anything silly or embarrassing in Someday, no will I behave childishly. Everyone will respect me.
Someday will never come, of course. I'm fat, plain, and living alone. It's all just dreaming. Why would any man want someone who looks and acts like me? They want real women, not little girls in overgrown bodies. They want someone who can talk to them and have fun, not people who stammer and look away. I'll never get married, or have children or a house. And who would hire me? People hire their mother, brother, nephew, best friend, or third cousin eight times removed. They don't want someone they don't know.